Attila the Hyundai

I got pubic lice at Joe’s Crab Shack.

You can’t spell “entercourse” without “enter.”

Scotty told PFT ‘bout a thing he heard: two big bangs through the spoken word. CBB-bee, CBB-bee.

Sipping vinegar or piss and vinegar—either way, this wine has gone bad.

The night is young, the boys are hung, so let’s all have some fung.

Scrimshaw scrimshaw scrimshaw scrimshaw scrimshaw scrimshaw scrimshaw

Shake your ass, but watch yourself, counselor.

They call them jalapeños because that spice gets jalapeño mouth.

Get jalapeño mouth with new Jalapeño Poppers!

I’m drinking from the BACK of the toilet! Sheesh!

My Dixie wrecked, and it damn near killed ‘im.

What in the H-E-double hockey stick are you doing with that hockey stick, Grandma?

Used adult diaper: $47. Tinkled-in unders: $74. Soiled sanitary napkin: $38. Finally having a pen pal: Priceless. There are some things money can’t buy. For everything else, there’s MasterCard.

If you ain’t got time to take a fast train, you certainly don’t have time for this one, Mr. Thompson. This is a children’s ride.

Scream and shout at the grout because I have gout and those tile-layers were very sloppy.

Are you taco to me, or is it just Taco Tuesday?

I tried to adopt a beer kid from Australia but I think something got lost in translation.

I’ll be dangled if my dingle dangled longer than your dongle.

That’s MISTER two-incher to you, lady.

This trombone may be named Rusty but don’t you dare rim him without his consent.

Everybody poops, but that doesn’t mean you have to smell like it, Uncle Carl.

This is the way the sex ends: not with a bang, but with a skeet-skeet.

I went to a Tooty and the Buttfish concert and had to sit behind a BloatedFartingScumbag whose big McLiverneck kept getting in the way. I said, “Hey captain, go puke a fish!” and he replied, “Euripides shorts and I’ll kill ya, Pat McG!” Then everyone changed their names.

I don’t know but I’ve been told: spicy food burns both your holes.