Attila the Hyundai

Get the fuck out of here; get into my car.

Linguine? GET THA FUCK OUUUAAAGGGGGHHHH-ta heeya!

Sweet treats on my sweet meats makes the bees buzz my fuzz.

Once I found a husband I chopped dem titties right off.

The clerk at the DMV denied my vanity plate request for “KNT FKR” even though I’m a huge Kant and Faulkner fan.

Couplets are for suckers.

Get bent. Repent. Rinse. Repeat.

Welcome to Comedy Ding! Dong!, the show where we talk to interesting doorbells.

I’m not the one who wants to get nasty, Mr. Thicke.

If you’re happy and you know it, rub one out.

If you’re happy and you know it, don’t rub it in.

How many roads must a man walk down / Before he gets picked up for hitch hiking?

I feel the need…the need for premature ejaculation.

Two girls one cup? What kind of beer pong tournament is this?

Here comes a stinky but a goodie.

A whole hole’s a whole lotta nothin’ at all.

No, guys, I’m literally colorblind.

You can call me sir or mister; just don’t call me when I’m fucking your sister.

If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, will it shut the fuck up?

If speculation about morality is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

When I Sit, I Smell the Wee from The Collected Poems of Attila the Hyundai When I sit, I smell the wee My heart was too impatient To let dribble, And now it lies, dry and fragrant, Upon my new shorts, Like pressèd flowers. – AtH

Some wipe standing; some wipe sitting. Just don’t wipe ‘til you’re all done shitting.

Jumpstart my heart! But don’t fart in my car.

John Bobbitt’s got a busted tinkler; all I’ve got’s this busted sprinkler.

Shovel all the coal in, Right into your colon! Whoo-whoo, booty stuffin’, there you are!