Friend of P

When life gives you lemons buy some apples and butter, make a pie crust, get out the cinnamon, ginger and sugar, make a pie and fuck it.

What’s this? What’s this? There’s semen everywhere. What’s this? There’s white stuff in my hair. What’s this? I can’t see out of my eyes. I must be creaming.

From rags to bitches one mans story of going from being homeless and living in a box to having hos on every block

If you’ve got Adamantium claws then don’t wipe your ass angry

I’ll take you for a ride on my big green tractor and by big green tractor I mean big green penis. Hulk smash.

It was the worst of times it was the worst of times it was the age of foolishness it was the age of fools so long 2020

I’ll have the Dr. Seuss roll which contains one fish two fish red fish blue fish of course

When you’re out of cattle to sacrifice a new born child should suffice

If all the raindrops Were lemon drops and gumdrops we would have quite the ant problem

Two in the pink eye one in the stink eye those were the instructions from my doctor

Is that a dick in your pocket? or are you just happy to see me?

If you don’t have an issue stay the fuck away from my tissues

I started listening to The new episode today before I realized that they were talking about it being Christmas Eve and then I realized that my phone started on the wrong episode.. i’m not complaining about a bunch of episodes to listen to but I’m going to listen to them all at once and then have nothing I have no self-control

Mary had a little lamb I suppose she’s no longer vegan

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck got a little bit of help from some friends?

The more drunk I get the harder it is to shit

Don’t trust the B in the word plumbing.. it’s silent

Today’s episode will detonate after today’s catchphrase!

You can’t undo this Jessica! You can’t wash a mattress!

I broke the fourth wall..I guess I won’t be getting that deposit back

My nickname for my penis is the Star of Bethlehem... and just like the three Wisemen I came on an ass

Not the mama! not the mama! said Maury.

I rolled a joint once.. it turned into a giant ball.. I made a snowbro

Am I high? or all of these clocks in this clock store melting?

A bird in the hand is worth two dicks in a bush.. sounds like a medical problem