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Friend of P

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Everything posted by Friend of P

  1. Friend of P

    This has been driving me insane

    I have googled every possible thing I could to try to figure this out. This happened either on comedy bang bang podcast or improv4humans. There was a musical guest on one of those podcasts where they performed a song that him and his wife/girl friend wrote about their perspective of breaking up with each other. I keep hearing snippets of it in my head but I can’t remember who performed it or where to find it. Please help.
  2. Nothings sadder than when you order Chinese take out for one and then you get home open up the bag and realize they gave you 3 sets of plastic ware 3 fortune cookies and enough napkins to supply a build a bear workshop with stuffing for maybe a full calendar year
  3. Okay! So what if we take some bats and we breed them with some pigeons and we make some bigeons and then we take those and breed them with a kangaroo and then BAM! No more racism.
  4. Ever just have a fart so big that it’s actually a poop? oh prom.
  5. This is related to a true story in my life but let’s pretend like it’s not
  6. If “Jealousy, infidelity, envy Cheating to beating, envy and to the G they be the same thing” means what I think it does then I have no idea what OutKast was talking about.
  7. Don’t get it in your tip. tis not a friendly dip. ouch.
  8. If you give a man a fish he will eat for a day if you turn a man into a fish what the fuck was that?! back up dude! no get back! You JUST turned Jeremy into a fish! What do you mean don’t be afraid?! I don’t know man .. I just don’t know you anymore come on Jeremy let’s get outta here
  9. If you ever have to have a friend on your side when getting into a bar fight make sure your friend is a knife. You can’t stab a knife.
  10. pahk the cah in Hahvad Yahd more like park the car in Harvard yard im a tourist
  11. Yo momma is so fat! that I’m genuinely worried about her health
  12. I bought a Leesa mattress using promo code Bang Bang and saved a little over $100. Now I can buy more marijuana and smoke it while listening to comedy bang bang. Not a catchphrase just a testimonial.
  13. Every time I go to a website I keep accepting their cookies. They don’t even care that I’m diabetic.
  14. I’m not an actor I just play one in the operating room.
  15. I’ve been taking photography classes I don’t want to be a photographer I just really enjoy hanging pictures up on strings In a poorly lit room.
  16. Football would be a much less dangerous sport if it were the teams goal to help each other get the ball to the other side.
  17. If your titties are tubby I’ll sprout a big chubby.
  18. I got a word of the day calendar but it’s in Alphabetical order and I think everyone is catching on.
  19. I got a car with all the bells and whistles Who would’ve thought you could buy a car with bells and whistles
  20. Head and shoulders tits and clits, tits and clits.
  21. The only time that it’s good to get the short end of the stick is when it’s going in your butt.
  22. Excuse me, waiter? There’s a cum in my soup.. so yes everything IS wonderful thanks for asking.
  23. A boob job sounds more like an occupation than an application.
  24. What does a responsible bartender have to do when a pregnant woman walks up to the bar and orders a drink? cardamom.