You can pet a dog but you should never pet a file.

[You can pet a dog but you should never pet a file.]

You can pet a dog but you should never pet a file.

[1+1 equals 2 2+2 equals 4 2x4 is wood 4x4 can get you through some rough terrain.]

1+1 equals  2  2+2 equals 4  2x4 is wood 4x4 can get you through some rough terrain. 

[if you push too hard when you’re trying to poop your claws might pop out. Good luck wiping then.]

if you push too hard when you’re trying to poop your claws might pop out. Good luck wiping then.

[There’s nothing worse than a soup that leaves you hungry, except maybe a hung jury, or worse a hung cell mate.]

There’s nothing worse than a soup that leaves you hungry, except maybe a hung jury, or worse a hung cell mate.

[Today on Comedy Bang Bang! Ethan Ethanson the whitest man in the world!]

Today on Comedy Bang Bang! Ethan Ethanson the whitest man in the world! 

[I mixed up my honey I shrunk the kids device with my toilet and now I’m spelunking with my breakfast]

I mixed up my honey I shrunk the kids device with my toilet and now I’m spelunking with my breakfast 

[It doesn’t matter whether or not you’re positive moms dead you still need to call an ambulance dad!]

It doesn’t matter whether or not you’re positive moms dead you still need to call an ambulance dad! 

[Make sure you wait 30 minutes after eating before you get a shower]

Make sure you wait 30 minutes after eating before you get a shower

[Catchphrase]

Mommy made me mash my m&ms 

And then cook them on a spoon and inject it into my veins

Someone please call child protective services

[Catchphrase]

Sally the prostitute has many humps 

Ride sally ride

[Catchphrase]

There’s a big difference between I almost always win and I always almost win but both can land you in second place.

[Catchphrase baby!]

There’s a big difference between I almost always win and I always almost win but both can land you in second place.