F-Word Scissorhands

At your age you are still figuring out who you are. At my age I know how much I suck.

I am trying to get on the next helicopter but right now it seems very up in the air.

Today we’ll do a deep dive into sewage lagoons, and drill down on trepanation.

I have 2 forearms and 1 foreheads and zero foreskins but I ain’t got 4 of nothin’!

I’ll leave you two to ketchup because I must turd.

Darth Vader and his jailbird brother Taxi Vader

I wish that People of Color could join together with nonwhite people and racial minorities. Those three communities have so much in common but they seem so divided.

Blackbeans 2: The Creature From The Black Legume

A fun new movie in which George Michael is an animated cat, titled Careless Whiskers.

Pundits have a habit of repeating parts of their sentences unnecessarily, like a repetition, like a repeating, like a "saying it again."

From your polyps to god’s ears

Why is it only HERpes? Why isn’t there a HISpes?

I gift you with this present and present you with this gift

I love things that walk on two legs. I’m a bipedalphile.

Is it a number one or a number two when you poop through your penis hole?

A pinch to grow an inch and 2.54 anteaters to grow 2.54 centimeters

“Doonesbury Imposes Upon Me”, by Garry Intrude-o

I got a tattoo lasered off of my butt. It read Exit Only. Now I’m getting a new one that reads Two Way Traffic.

Dog fertility clinic: no litter

Step on a crack, break like wind off a duck’s back

I got my execution halted so many times I got cocky. I was like “Ah yeah, I got stays for days!”

L: “Ben Kenobi, Leia won’t sleep with me!” BOWK: “Use the force, Luke.”

Sweat pants have been added to the no-fly list

Today’s guests are Adam Driver and his brother Backseat Driver and his son Toilet Seat Driver

Grass Cops: featuring the men and women of lawnforcement.