F-Word Scissorhands

We need a science-based strategy to defeat covid. Such as, sending a robot back in time to kill that bat's mom in Hubei.

There is no "we" in "ur"ethra. There is only wee-wee in there.

Amy Poehler looks at a divided nation... this Fall, on "Poehlerized."

Amy Poehler starts dating women, now, too, this Fall, in "Bi Poehler."

Comedy Bang Bang! Where each "bang" marks at least one instance of explosive diarrhea.

sponsored by Lance Armstrong and his brother, Lance Armweak.

No, you said "I don't know nothing about it." You excluded the possibility of knowing nothing so you must know at least something and, possibly, everything about it.

We are looking for eight individuals in connection with the incident but, I want to stress, we are not looking for any people, just individuals. Also no pairs or teams and no group, just individuals.

We'll have talent, protest, and cultishness, here on the Falun Gong show!

My guest today has written a book, Vaccines Did Not Cause My Daughter's Autism. What's it about?

People are out there knocking doors, with knock-on effects, not that I'm knocking that.

You just can't win. And, when I say you, I mean me. And, when I mean you, I say "that big dumb asshole.'

It’s the season to wear your fleece. That’s why we say “fleece navidad.”

Podcasting from the site of the former Fire Island Penile Colony.

When someone hates you, the best revenge is to "kill them with kindness." Try sending them a fruit basket with a pipe bomb in it!

I can start fires with the power of my mind. Like, if I focus my mind on deep-frying a turkey.

We should not spend our whole lives worrying that the police are going to break down our front door. For variety, the cops could sometimes try shooting us through our windows.

I'm sorry for your loss, that sounds awful. Have you tried shutting up? It really works for a lot of people.

You can't fix a problem unless you face it and acknowledge it; for example, Pedophile Bigfoot.

Oh yeah, Doc?! Well GOOD!!! I WANT stage 3 ass cancer!!! I like it!!! Make it stage 4, go ahead, bring it on!!!

I know I'll never be Haile Selassie but, if I concentrate, I feel I could become at least somewhat Selassie.

If a really mean woman dies does she get an "Oh, bitch-uary"?

It's a vegetarian dog eat plant-based dog meat substitute world.

A bird in the hand? More like a burden on my hands! I mean, what if the bird poops? No thanks!

Hi guys! Now, when I say guys, I implicitly mean to include women too. So long as these women have penises.