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F-Word Scissorhands

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Everything posted by F-Word Scissorhands

  1. I may not be the most crowd-pleasing monkey in the zoo, but I can pick off your lice and, yeah, I will eat them.
  2. Too much junk in the trunk? Trash and old bags on the seats and floor? Hoarder car!
  3. I just can't wrap my head around that, and it's not easy to wrap my vagina around it, either.
  4. Baby, you're like the funk on a chunk of a road-killed skunk.
  5. I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, however, I am, like, the crushiest pair of crab crackers in there.
  6. The world runs on Dunkin'. In your mom's mouth. Especially the homeless man world.
  7. Scott's pro-tip for podcasters: always mute your mic when you flush.
  8. I lost my virginity at age 18. But I just found it again under my couch cushions!
  9. A Scotsman that’s been run over is road kilt.
  10. Yeah? Well whose fault is that?! Mine? Oh. I was hoping it would be yours or someone’s other than me.
  11. With all doo-doo respect, you are poop.
  12. Greetings Halloweeners, solid weeners, and weeners with a sweetened ricotta filling.
  13. If you can't stand the heat then don't shit in the deep fryer.
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