F-Word Scissorhands

I have a lot on my plate. The steel plate, I mean. In my head.

As our way of being more seasonal, there will now be a wave of Summery executions.

We got the scoop on this ice cream story.

They call this a “leadership vacuum” but who ever saw the leader doing any vacuuming?! Am I right?!?!

Why do people say “The hell you will”? Is it “the” hell? Like “the Ukraine?”

You said that I’m a joke. Well I’m not. People LIKE jokes.

In terms of public toilets the city is playing “catch up.” Meanwhile I’m out here playing “must-turd.”

Ashes to ashes/ chill to chilly/ now a word from Groundskeeper Willy

We were so focused on if we COULD, that we never asked If we SHOULD, program hundreds of robots to fan out and defecate on the city’s children.

They said 50% of the people in LA are Spanish now! So millions of Mexican-Americans must have been replaced by people from Spain!!!

First thing tomorrow morning, please, just sleep on it because, at the end of the day, it could be a new dawn of putting this thing to bed.

I’m sorry, you seem nice, but I never do that on a first date. Stop screaming for even a second, I mean.

Your countertops may be cultured stone, but you are an uncultured boor!

I was born ready. For example, mere seconds after my birth, I gobbled up the placenta with a set of temporary, shark-like, teeth.

In Homeschool I got no Social skillz, fo rillz

First things first, never second guess a third party.

No one likes being called a baby raper. Especially not by the jury.

I have made the decision not to be a mother. This is partly because, when I look back on my whole entire life, I have had a dick and balls.

This one is like a tongue twister combined with a titty twister.

It’s loud and it’s only going to get Lauder, Estée.

Today I want to share this true story of a teen runaway, and the stranger who made sure to bring him back home, in a heavy duty trash bag.

Attorneys general, courts-martial, heirs apparent, and fuckers of mother

Sinbad is bad. But he has a brother, Singood. He’s also bad.

Not sure what “beheading” is but it’s probably when you wear your game face, and bring your A-game, but your A-game face is on your B-head.

It’s France’s answer to The Berenstain Bears; Les Shitstains Unbearables.