F-Word Scissorhands

The term “Special education” carries a stigma so we are changing it to “abnormal education.”

That’s a pretty nice chunk of change! Except that the coins in said chunk are cemented together with earwax and dried prostate pus.

I don’t care what you say anymore this is my dick/ go ahead suck your own dick/ leave me alone

I am so sorry to bother you but, would you happen to know why you are ugly?

Some guys are on the “down low.” This guy just so happens to be on the “up high.”

What’s the deal with restrooms?! No one goes in there to rest. It’s pretty much the most task-oriented room in the building!

Comedy Bang Bang is the top comedy podcast but, did you know, it is also the power bottom?

Your analysis pisses me off. It’s a Urinalysis, if you will!

If I didn’t have comedy podcasting I’d probably just fiddle with my Penis stump all day.

Your restaurant sucks! For starters, you only have appetizers!

Please accept this engraved commemorative plaque on your teeth.

If Paul Simon married Aaron Paul his name might be Paul Paul.

Charlie Brown was never potty trained. Hence “Brown.” And hence “Pee Nuts.”

Yes, that’s what I called you, but I didn’t mean it in a bad way. Why, my own dad is a fucktard.

Charles Shulz’s early comic strips were about kids wetting their pants. Hence “Pee Nuts.”

I have a condo in Surfside Florida. Well, it’s really more of a flat.

Biz Markie had a dog named Ms. Barkie.

This job does not offer any benefits except maybe the benefit of the doubt.

Strawberry Shortcake had a boyfriend; Strawberry Longcake.

I get it, we aren’t allowed to try on bathing suits directly on the bare skin of our junk. But my skin has a protective barrier of scabs!

We were beaten at the deli. It was a truncheon luncheon.

It’s like 1984 is coming true. Everyone has mullets and Vanessa Williams has to resign for being a lezzie.

The protestors have been growing exponentially. Not in number, just in body size.

A woman shot a crocodile to save her twin sister. The twin female crocodile appeared grateful.

Do be a dear and eat a hobo’s ass, won’t you?