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Content count
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Posts posted by F-Word Scissorhands
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Come spend the night inside my booger walls
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I can Christopher Walken chew gum at the same time.
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Iâm Scott Aukerman, and my preferred pronoun is âHey, asshole!â
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This morning we lost our baby after a painful struggle with cancer. But then we found him hiding in the clothes hamper so now itâs back to the pediatric chemo ward!
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Look I donât want anyone to get in trouble here. I just want a series of public beheadings so that my rage can be washed away in a wave of blood.
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Christopher Plummer is survived by his twin brother, Christopher Electrician
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If you vote for me I will cut the prison population in half. With bandsaws.
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Today Iâm going to, kind of, take off my comedy hat and put on my businessman hat, because someone pooped in my comedy hat.
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You asked and we listened. But we didnât heed your dumb words, of course. We just nodded until you went away.
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Would you risk it for dis brisket?
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Detectives found no signs of forcible entry at the crime scene, except in and around the victimsâ buttholes.
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Parents today demand healthier snacks for their kids, but they donât want to sacrifice convenience. Now thereâs new Entitlement Chips, from White People Problems!
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Bat shit is not crazy, Madam. Human brains are crazy. So call me âhuman brain crazyâ instead.
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My friend keeps saying he canât put food on the table anymore. Iâm like âyou donât put it on the table! You put it on plates. Dummy!â
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Well if you canât get ânoâ satisfaction, then you must get at least some, and you possibly get complete, satisfaction.
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Welcome to all Snowmen, snowwomen, and non-binary snowindividuals.
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Donât take huge gulps of racism. Just little white suprema-sips.Â
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You spoke and we listened. Then once your soul-deadening drone ended we went back to the status quo and you never even noticed.
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For god so loved the world that he gave his only b-listed son
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You know me; always softening my shit, tryna keep it diarrheal.
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I have a plan to snatch your face mask. IFÂ I can pull it off.
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How could you have forgotten my description of the widest fork?! I told you a hundred tines!
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Maybe we can kind of get the ball rolling, but avoid testicular torsion.Â
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Itâs that time of the month for strawberry corndog!
Youâre telling me! unless I am having both visual and auditory hallucinations.
in New Catchphrase Suggestions
Posted
Youâre telling me! unless I am having both visual and auditory hallucinations.