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Days Won
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Topics posted by F-Word Scissorhands
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Ask yourself, “does this spark joy?” And if not then stop burning your testicles with arcs from that stripped lamp cord.
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 183 views
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I Call shotgun! …wielding active shooter, please pick up, 911!
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 170 views
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You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him an Olympic-level competitor in synchronized swimming without horse meth.
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 146 views
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There’s more than one way to skin a cat, but every one of those ways ends in a serious uproar about animal rights.
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 164 views
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Jeopardy rules have changed! You no longer have to start your answers with “what is…” but you must end all answers with “…and shit.”
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 167 views
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Our show will begin in a moment so deafen yourself now. You’ll be glad you did.
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 171 views
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At the end of the day, I don’t even know where to begin, and that’s as good a starting point as any to leave it at.
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 163 views
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Every comedy duo needs a good straight man. And if the straight man is gay, or a woman, or intersex, or non-binary, all the better! Just, they have to be less funny than the other one
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 161 views
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“There are known unknowns but, also, unknown unknowns.” Why would anyone keep repeating this wordy claptrap?! Unknown.
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 169 views
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Think of it this way. You’re not losing your life, you’re gaining a son-in-law.
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 156 views
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Fat Albert, you’re just like that infertile cat; no kitten.
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 182 views
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You know when you try to poop, and nothing comes out except a fist-sized mass of live ticks? What?! No, me either.
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 184 views
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My preferred pronouns are this/job and sucks, amIright?!
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 177 views
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Penis pump on the front, butt pump on the rump, I’m gonna ride til I can’t no more
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 190 views
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The Mohel told everyone at the bris “I’m in such a hurry, sorry, I’m probably going to cut this short.”
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 190 views
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If you win an Oscar by being a pedophile, you gotta thank the little people.
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 183 views
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I’m going to slap that jizz snorkel off your fat face!
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 185 views
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My guest today was arrested and charged with possession of, and intent to distribute, greater than one ounce of hot cock.
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 187 views
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I radioed the snipers and gave the order to “take the perp down.” Somewhere in there, they must have misinterpreted it to mean I condoned hurting him!
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 165 views
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Never “assume”, OK, because when you assume, you slather my ASS with UME, the Japanese plum confection.
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 171 views
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You have to accept reality before you can change it, Princess She-Ra.
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 172 views
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Did you know that many Americans are teased just for having funny names? Hello, I’m the president of EndNameShame, Dick P.P. Pissbalz.
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 178 views
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Backlash sucks but frontlash is no walk in the park either.
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 144 views
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Wounded Knee is bad but if you want to see a really awful monument check out Wounded Dickhole.
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 173 views
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Let me answer your question with a question and, also, a hand gesture like I’m jerking off.
By F-Word Scissorhands, in New Catchphrase Suggestions
- 0 replies
- 180 views