Teenage Grave Robber

Please stop saying, “It puts the produce in the basket” around the customers....

Michael J Fox is in no way related to Michigan J Frog. Please stop writing us with this inquiry.

There’s only one way off this island. Kiss me. And turn me back into an airplane.

My best friend is a balloon I drew on

I’m a lady golfer and so can you

Ryan Seacrest falls off every boat he gets on. He can’t stand in boats. It’s pathetic.

I’ll start the show. If you beg. Beg me like a worm.

Dear Hollywood - please make “Medea Goes Too Far”

Everyday I’m sufferin

Mother’s Day is coming up. Don’t forget, you fucking pigs.

This holiday season - justice has new name

My name is James Bond and I’d like a shaken up martini, please.

My mom’s new boyfriend is called Wolverine and you’d think that would be really cool - but it very isn’t.

Luke. I’m your new stepdad.

I am the omelette I am the hippo moo moo balloo

The cow goes “Moooo” and so do you

Dear, Hollywood - what about a movie where Darth Vader and Spider-Man fight Godzilla and a bunch of ninjas with Dom from Fast and Furious? And The Rock is there too.

Casual race car driver vs. secret rollerblader - TO THE DEATH

I don’t have the money! I spent it all on a robot!!

Oh yea? Well could an A.I. do this?!?

Darth Vader is my daddy

Crying is the new smiling. Pass it on.

I’m too sexy for this bong

Anybody wanna start a cult later?

Hi, my name is Scotty-boy and I like being rolled up in carpets and stepped on.