Teenage Grave Robber

If you’re so mad why don’t you fart about it

Strawberries won’t save you now, you stupid dress

Judge not lest ye be horny af

What’s a concert?

I prefer concerts where the band members are sitting down while they play, thank you very much.

Booooorn to muff dive, baby

Wait so sausages aren’t just pig intestines?! What the hell?!

looks like papi’s getting sloppy

I guess Channing Tatum is basically john travolta. I don’t know.

Gonna dress you up like a frog and make you ribbit, baby

Ooo Scotty is a big boy - a big boy he wanna play with the trucks and the dollies oooo oooo goo goo ga ga I’m a big boy

Ew. Is it your dad’s birthday or something?

Watch me kneel, watch me pray pray. Watch me kneel, kneel, watch me pray pray

Oo watch me watch me / Oo watch me watch me / Oo watch me watch me / Oo watch me / Oo Oo Oo

Poop. There it is.

Probiotics vs Antibiotics. Which one makes my butt get thiccer?

My dad says they don’t make caskets like they used to

Raise your hand if you’ve ever forgot your shovel at home

When she turns into a maternal spice girl, Cardi B becomes Carda-mom

English people be all like, “mmm, cardamom and ginger. Yes, please”.

I ate the whole salad and I’m still not skinny. This is bullshit.

Humans just love it when balls go into holes

I’m so hungry

Stop bragging about your “Sponge Bob no pants” painting. I get it. You painted sponge Bob with no pants and hung it in your front hallway. It’s great. Just stop talking about it.

Look buddy, there are dil-dos and dil-dont’s - and this thing: is a definite dil-don’t