Teenage Grave Robber

Are there more stars in the sky than there are different sandwiches?

Why does your dad have so many paintball shirts?

It’s time to pickup your mom from paintball

I heard your dad played paintball but had to quit cause the kids were so mean.

Your mom farted so bad that they had to cancel paintball practice.

Your wife called. She’s gonna be late coming home from paintball.

Dear Hollywood: please re-make ‘Almost Famous’ but have them tour with Weird Al. You have 48 hours.

God has sex with angels

Dear Tony Hawk: tricks are for kids

Cant Stop The Iggy Pop Crop Top Cop

To whoever stole my package from the lobby - I hope you’re enjoying those ‘baby slut’ crop tops

My sensei got that good good dojo mojo

I can’t stop googling ‘hot karate guys’

My Dad used to sell balloons at Sublime shows

Phil Spector did what?!

Use the fork, Luke.

Mario Kart makes me fart

Say my name, pig

Don’t look at me, please stop looking at me

Baby, there’s trolls outside.

Take me to The Goth Comedy Jam

There goes a hot tub floater

Honey, get the flare gun

I’m a soup clown

come on let’s dance, pretty boy I’m ready to dance with you do you like dancing? Do you like this song? Huh? Wanna dance? I love dancing I’m ready let’s do this