Paula F. Momkins

Given all the historical evidence, there is no way Jesus Smurf was not dark blue. Wake up people.

Something bad about the U.S. Post office.

Catchphrases are like assholes; we've all got 'em and it's fun to put other peoples' in your ears.

I never met a load I didn't bust, except the ookie cookie I got from with Gourley and Rust.

I haven't the stomach for miso since those Hollywood fat cats canceled my SeeSo. Soupless bitch...

Why do they call it bustin' a nut, when the only thing I actually busted was dat ass? Uncle Scott tears it up I bet.

Threedom isn't free, but like many Earwolf podcasts, you can find it on Stitcher Premium.

Two in the A, M, or the V? I'll do my best, having only one D.

Keep honking, I'm downloading.

TootyBut for Union Prez

Chris Gaines is simultaneously my celebrity crush and my amateur bodybuilding stage name.

It's always not cheating if we live in the Eatrix.

Kenny Loggins is simultaneously my celebrity crush and my amateur scat porn screen name.

Methinks a grain of sand is just a rock, while the clit is the head of the female cock. It's science.

From death ray to bang bang, from beater to A-frame; this Jason Mantz' tattoo on my calf shows where my 'nong hangs. hangnongman

The feet are the vagina of the sole.

Do fanboys dream of authentic queefs? A lot of counterfeit queefs on the net these days...

On the 16th anniversary you give wax, and on the 25th silver, but it all starts on the wedding night when you gift a white river.

My doctor misdiagnosed my I.B.S. and chronic fatigue, but it explains why I'm too tired to clean the shit out my jeans.

When it comes to lunch, eatin' ain't cheating, but when it comes to farts, beefin' ain't queefing.

The second place finisher is the first place loser; sloppy seconds, however, just means a primed coozer.

Kurt Loder is simultaneously my celebrity crush and my amateur porn name.

As an uneducated analingus enthusiast, I always find myself craving Aspergers.

Am I getting laid? Brother, you betcha; I'm knee deep in puss from my dual motor Tesla.

'Casts rule everything around me; C.R.E.A.M. Get the funny, Tarver Tarver 'tent ya'll. Don't mean to tell you how to do your job, but use this one for a Drew Tarver episode probably.