PlanBFromOuterSpace
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Everything posted by PlanBFromOuterSpace
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Which of course is the sequel to the highest grossing French action film of the year, known here as "French Cop", but only referred to as "Cop" in France. Not to give too much away, but apparently this time it's personal. Not like last time. Has anyone else ever noticed how impersonal first installments of action franchises are? It's like some serious injustice has to happen to already-established characters for shit to get real.
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No. No, no, no, no, no, nooooooooo. If there's anything that will finally get Jason on Twitter, though...
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All these names are confusing! Are Jeremy and Kyle "Shit Dicks" 2 and 3? I can't see any of the characters learning anything or feeling one way or the other at the end of the film, because everyone in the movie is an absolute twat/raw chicken.
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I haven't seen it, but I'd like to think that the French version is at least a LITTLE bit classier. Like, maybe she had the decency to give a good finger-blasting to a nicely-prepared cordon bleu or something.
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I know there's another thread for this one somewhere...
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"Southland Tales" is up there pretty far too.
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It's one of their live shows this next weekend, which means it could be up next week or it could be sitting on a shelf until one of them gets knocked up again.
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Lol
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That would be pretty believable and about par for the course as far as the behavior of the characters in this movie goes.
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And none of the pothead friends were names that anyone that the alleged target audience would even know. Like, I wouldn't have remembered Fisher Stevens's character's name, but I at least know that it's Fisher Stevens, based almost entirely on work he did 20-30 years ago...and for getting to put his penis in Michelle Pfeiffer. Speaking of the younger brother and sister, did Thomas Jane have any scenes with them? Is Miley Cyrus the only kid that matters to him? Are the younger ones not even his?
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As horribly generic as they were, you're right, they were incredibly overproduced and seemed to have a crazy budget. They may have been underdogs in their own mind in a competition that wasn't really a competition at all. I want to see the psychological thriller version of this story. I think David Fincher or Darren Aronofsky could really embrace the darkness of these characters and their chicken-masturbating ways.
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NOW I see it, but I didn't before. I just wanted to pull off the "Devil's Advocate" double entendre. Well played, sir. Well played. Now I'm going to go synch up "88 Minutes" with "Dark Side of the Moon" and see what happens...
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I was about to propose pretty much the SAME thing, like what if these assholes basically showed up to open mikes and just had it in their minds tgat there was some kind of competition when there really wasn't? They said it went on for how long? Whatever it was, the club owner or whoever would know, so on that last night, when they were wrapping up, he just hops up there and goes "Hey, guess what, you're fuckin ' great, so you win! Yay! Now clear the fuck outta here". They win this one-band "Battle of the Bands", and then in the extended ending that we didn't get to see, Shit Dick 3 is all excited and telling his dad, who knows better and is finalizing the process to ship him off to that military school. Shit Dick 3's dad was the hero of the piece all along. SWERVE.
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Who wins if there's ever a situation where EVERYONE is the scrappy underdog? In this movie though, did we see any of the Shit Dicks' competition? Bill and Ted beat fuckin' PRIMUS. To play Devil's Advocate for a second here (meaning I'm going to shout/whisper/shout/whisper everything), MAYBE the Shit Dicks were like the BEST team in a TERRIBLE DIVISION. We DON'T and will likely NEVER KNOW for sure. HOO-AH!
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I honestly can't remember, as it's probably been a good 15-20 years since I've seen it. I remember thinking that a lot of that earlier stuff after "Bloodsport" that WASN'T "Universal Soldier" was pretty hit or miss. I think my golden age of JCVD runs from about "Hard Target" through "Sudden Death". Have you seen "Welcome to the Jungle"? It's a fun little indie comedy from last year or so, and he's pretty awesome in it as the motivational speaker guy on a company retreat gone bad.
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I'm glad(?) that it was on Netflix, or else I would never have bothered with it, and it's not a movie that's been talked about to death like "The Room" or "Battlefield Earth", so it'll be really interesting to see what they have to say. I hope they're checking this board out too, as Shit Dick 1-3 really is the best way to remember who's who. Except for the Screech of the group (Shit Dick 1), every other younger guy in this movie looks exactly the same.
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I wonder if it was in the screenplay the whole time, or if it was this particular producer's "giant mechanical spider". Like, for forever, someone involved with the film had an idea for a raw chicken/vagina gag that they couldn't quite find a place for...until now.
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Bill and Ted handled it with much more class, subtlety, and realism though. This movie was bordering on science fiction.
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Allegedly. It's so strange that they made the French stuff so overly quirky to begin with (because making fun of people from other countries IN their own country is maximum lulz), and then they throw THAT in too. Yeah, make the kids in French club bitch about being in France, make fun of the French for being French, and then throw Downs Syndrome in the mix. Did we mention that the filmmaker is French?
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Did someone say "Jean Claude Van Damme as a Mountie"? In the recent "Enemies Closer", Van Damme is an EVIL Mountie! Well, he posed as a Mountie anyway. He was really a terrorist or something, I already forget. Anyway, it's up to Tom Everett Scott to stop Our Lord and Saviour from recovering dirty money from a plane crash (I think) in a national park in a story that is somewhat reminiscent of "Broken Arrow". It's an OK-ish reunion with director Peter Hyams (TimeCop, Sudden Death), father of John Hyams, director of the AWESOME last two "Universal Soldier" flicks.
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Soon...
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It seemed though, come report card time, that everyone else is an absolute fucking idiot. And of course "Best Guy Friend That's Been There The Whole Time" has a dad that's threatening to send him off to military school. He seems to fucking despise his kid, and I have never understood why in movies where this happens why parents are like this, because there's a huge difference between "making a huge fucking investment in the life and education of my fucking kid that I hate" and "getting him out of my hair and letting someone else deal with him for a while". Speaking of which, Thomas Jane is the luckiest character in the movie. Jane, who I love( even if he is only the third-best Punisher), gets to bang the still smoking-hot Demi Moore, who gets mad, bitches to her fucking crazy pothead friends, and then comes back for more fucking. Even when it looks like he's going to come out as a loser by having his asshole daughter live with him, she's there for like three minutes and has her stupid face buried in her phone or computer the whole time. He's clearly the hero of this film.
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Let us not forget that Shit Dick 1 would also never, ever be hanging out with this crew in real life. Does no one else find it disturbing that the trig teacher that the "so far out of his league that she plays a different sport" blonde that Shit Dick 1 is banging has the hots for does home tutoring? At the beginning, she's like "So, do you do any kind of...home tutoring?" as a come-on, and the teacher's all "Sorry, I'm all booked up", which I took as an "I'm on to you, but nice try", but later in the movie, HE'S AT SHIT DICK 1'S HOUSE and he's tutoring him. Oh, and at no point after the blonde and Shit Dick 1 start fucking does anyone make a comment about the earlier chicken incident. I probably would have gone for the old "it tasted like chicken" standby, but I'm not a comedic genius on the level of this screenwriter.
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