Episode 108 — Jersey Brawls

[Episode 108 — Jersey Brawls]

St. Clair is like the Ghost of Regimes Past. She needs a morning show on one of the networks. I would be so pumped up for the day after a half hour of womping it up.

[Episode 15 — Late 70's TV]

It's easy to forget that the Carpenters biggest hits were during a time when some of the best punk and hard rock records were coming out. The Carpenters always felt like a very skillful throwback to an old-timey notion of what show business is.

 

In interviews they would talk about their career in a rather old-school way that gave you the impression they thought of themselves as Entertainers (with a capital E). Being an Entertainer means accepting a serious responsibility. You have to be ready at any moment to cobble together a one hour special for the networks, to slide down a gold-plated fire pole and make something happen-- be that guesting on The Love Boat

or jumping over a shallow puddle in very tight shorts for Battle of the Network Stars.

 

I think that's why the Carpenters specials make so much sense. Of course, they would be paired with Charlie Callas for extreme mugging resulting in canned laughter. Of course, they would be talking to aliens who look a lot like a That's Incredible host and one third of Three's Company. That's what an Entertainer does.

 

PS: Also, as everyone knows, muscle rock is a horse in transition.

[Episode 2 — The Jack Special]

What I learned today:

1. I now know what to do if I sense feelings rising up in me (hint: smoke them down, drink them down).

2. I will never go to Northern Florida if I can possibly help it.

[Episode 14 — 90’s Rock Retrospective]

I miss Mark Ibold a whole lot. I remember seeing this around that time- maybe on 120 minutes- and being blown away by the idea of hanging out in Thurston's back yard with those people.

[Episode 106 — Alpaca Dinghy]

How & Ku's reaction to Weird Al's presence is adorable. The nerd joy in that room is palpable, and I can't get enough.

[Episode 106 — Alpaca Dinghy]

Weird Al was my first concert in 1983 and I took my teenage daughter to see him earlier this year, her first concert as well. Also, my 10yo son has a shrine to Weird Al in his room. If I could get WWWAD bracelets, I would give them to everyone as gifts and they would be thrilled. We are all nerds.

[Get Out of My Dreams and Into My Trunk]

Billy Ocean always appreciates when his victims are compliant.

 

Hi, hitchhiker. OK, rather than pretending that I'm not a serial killer and making a bunch of small talk that, let's face it, neither of us really feels like doing, let's just cut to the proverbial chase as it were- and, by all means, please do not make me chase you. I just had knee surgery and I really don't want to get into all that mishigas tonight. I definitely did not mean to imply that I want to chase you around. So, just get into my trunk, please. You'll find a roll of duct tape there- duck tape or duct tape? I can never remember, anywho- use it to bind your wrists and ankles then just tear off a piece to put over your mouth. I guess you'll want to tear off a little piece for your mouth first then sort of press your face into it. Hey, you look smart. You'll figure it out. Thanks a bunch!

[Episode 5 — Broadway Ballyhoo]

While listening to this, I felt my junk flattening with each passing minute. I was, of course, suspended in a harness the whole time, so that probably explains it.

[Episode 17 — CBB Nativity Pageant Special]

Damn. I came here to post "my wife."

 

On a related note: my wife.

["____, please"]

I think it's nice that they're at least being polite while being racist. Enough with "____ please" let's hear more "_____ thank you."

[Episode 40 — CA: Slave Ship]

You have to admit that the ship had a really slavey vibe.

[The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension (1984)]

A few weeks ago I would have defended this movie. Like Remo Williams, it's one of those 80's flicks that people love more the longer they go without having seen it. I saw a good chunk of Buckaroo Banzai recently and, wow, it is bad. Imagine Pluto Nash with a tiny budget and edited by someone freebasing PCP.

[Episode 51 — Liz and Dick]

Dazzle! So good to hear you weren't freaked to death at the end of that movie.

[Episode 39 — Cloud Atlas]

I love it. It feels like a crossover episode with the Paul Sheer show: How Did This Get Racist?

[Episode 13 — Bev, Bob & Beyond]

Just left my review on iTunes. I'm not sure if it's very clear which album I'm talking about. I don't think it's in Fogelnest's musical wheelhouse, but you never know.

[Episode 2 — Roll For Your Fate]

I know that Star Trek TNG had a long loop of engine ambience in the background. Does this show have a subtle breathing loop? I can hear it pretty much the whole time if I listen with headphones.

 

On a related note, I do not recommend listening with headphones.

[Episode 50.5 — Minisode 50.5]

is this real life?

 

It could be just fantasy- or perhaps we're all caught in a landslide with no escape from reality. I think it's time we all opened our eyes. Look up to the skies and see. Ah, what do I know? I'm just a poor boy. I need no sympathy. Easy come. Easy go.

 

- Bismillah

[Episode 1 — Let the Game Begin!]

I have a pal who hosts a nerd poker night every couple of months. Last time we played Epic Spell Wars of the Battle Wizards: Duel at Mt. Skullzfyre Mountain - note the unnecessary Y for extra metal.

[Episode 11 — Illegal Sandwiches]

I would totally watch a show called Gibbler. Every episode would be "very special."

 

Each episode would begin wtih Kimmy walking out the door in her happy-go-lucky way then she walks the 20 feet to her own scary, dilapidated home (just reuse the exterior shots from Psycho). The entire show is shot with Dutch angles and fish-eye lenses about 10 inches from each actor's face so it feels super claustrophobic.

 

Her parents are heavily influenced by German expressionist art, so they're constantly messing with her and making her cry, which is all part of an ongoing project they call "non-consensual performance art."

 

 

 

Most of the conversations follow this pattern: "Mom, what's for dinner?" "Your favorite! ANTS!" "I think I'll mooch off the Tanners again." [canned laughter]

 

The script makes regular references to having a little brother- even after the season-ending two episode arc in which her parents convince her that she accidentally killed him and blocked the memory. She undergoes primal scream therapy and learns that he (and the Tanner family) are fictions invented by her own mind to mask the pain of being alive.

[Episode 103 — Body Texting]

Also, I am down for a data-driven dining experience.

 

I'd like to know the average number of chews per bite associated with this Clooney plate. While you're at it, we need to cross-reference that with the high chew-rate dishes in the restaurant. Write an SQL statement to execute that search and sort by price. That's how I always order. It takes on average about 2 hours for me to gather the data and write the code- but when I get going, it's highly efficient.

[Episode 103 — Body Texting]

In the movie Nell, she would say "Nell tata" to indicate that she felt afraid, but the phrase immediately made me think about boobs.

 

 

I am a horrible person.

[Episode 187 — Finger Chimes]

I remember hating A Winter's Tale. At the end she's like "Pow! I'm alive, king-hole. How ya like me now, bitch!?" The ending felt a little un-Shakespearian

[Episode 10 — Sprout of a New Generation]

In college I was casually arguing with a somewhat dull friend of mine and said, "you're proof of why 'banal' and 'anal' rhyme," to which he replied, "They don't." I was quiet after that.

[Episode 186 — New York Mainstays]

Love the Robert Frost reference. That poem was the theme for our high school commencement so it somehow got stuck in a disused corner of my head. Also, we had a neighborhood tough named S.E. Hinton who would extract milk money by copy-editing your essays until you cried.

[Episode 14 — Speech Therapy]

Heartwarming story. It really makes me appreciate my boringly healthy kids.

 

Speech therapy works. I had to do it in grade school- gave up recess for years to have time for sessions. I was a bit of a stutterer and had an Ira Glass L, but mostly I just talked too fast. Basically, I was a spaz. A few years later, I went on to become the captain of my high school's speech team and worked in "easy listening" radio for a while. I'm still a spaz, though.