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Everything posted by Schnickpot

  1. I still don’t exactly understand how scissors work.
  2. Kel is ripping us apart over this outregis celery recipe, so please philb him in on our strict no-skepticism policy.
  3. Is your refrigerator running a fever? Better go catch it a cold before your food gets warm!
  4. Bats are so feathery, you could crack one of their eggs on the moving sidewalk.
  5. Hey God, replace the “three” key on your calculator with a Jesus emoji and the Holy Ghost will do the math.
  6. The glory of the guy who moves all penetrates the universe, shining in one part more and less in another.
  7. Tell off the slothful hat-doffers as often as possibly lawful in this loathsome carnival raffle of awful options.
  8. Lungfuls of sung pearls will soon be flung sullenly from one world to none.
  9. When life hands you potatoes, make lemonade.
  10. Sylvia Plath, I was taking a bath!
  11. How about some polka STRIPES, Your Highness?
  12. My pony has a confusing ponytail.
  13. The little boat of my genius now hoists its sail to run over better waters, leaving behind a sea so cruel.
  14. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Give a man a coupon for free meals for life and you feed him for life.
  15. Please, just give me six hundred hints!
  16. Mozart may have invented the light bulb, but Thomas Basketball invented the Easter basket.
  17. Will they fit in there with their salad hats on?
  18. Please squeeze when ready.
  19. And so we vegetable again, Mister Disconnect.
  20. There are no punctuation marks in clown prison, Billy Winthrop.
  21. That’s all well and good, but how do you expect to recoup the tiny-umbrella cost‽
  22. Count down ten seconds for a minute and I’ll give you all your watches back.
  23. Make up your mind: tuba shoes or tuna sandals?
  24. Bread is nature's paper.