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Everything posted by Schnickpot

  1. What do potato chips taste like again? Oh yeah, crunchy.
  2. Hey God, replace the “three” key on your calculator with a Jesus emoji and the Holy Ghost will do the math.
  3. If you're trying to choose a new head, why not loosen the thistle-bred wheelbarrow listener instead?
  4. Consume your daily ear rations for fear of lashings out before the daily bread is baked.
  5. When you count, make sure to start with “one,” and then follow that up with “two,” before proceeding on to “three,” and then “fip,” et cetera.
  6. He was so bundled up, onions got jealous when he wafted by their observation tanks on that cold Julvember aftermorn.
  7. You can’t stop up a prop closet by positing mop bosses, Gandhi.
  8. Step aside, Widestepper, your salt has been replaced with pepper.
  9. They call it paper but I've never seen it issue a papal decree.
  10. I’ll keep chewing my way through these tomatoes until your delicious wishes are history’s distant mysteries.
  11. This is not a quill store, please quit plucking pencils, Plato.
  12. Hold on to your hands and fold on to your feet, here comes the boy who never stands for fear the cold will steal his seat!
  13. Oh that this too too chocolate ice cream would malt, blend, and resolve itself into a milkshake.
  14. Bats are so feathery, you could crack one of their eggs on the moving sidewalk.
  15. Plants have leaves, clocks have weaves, ropes have feet, and hands have socks.
  16. When people say “Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!” do the first two “yes”s count towards the thousand or is the real total one thousand and two?
  17. Tell my shinbones to party, why don’t you?
  18. Don’t test me, Teach, I had a beach investment in my Western Omelet Speech elective yesterday.
  19. Please promise me you’ll get these pants tightened by Friday.
  20. Mister Rogers and Kurt Cobain may have dressed the same, but they had different names.
  21. Cancel all my elevator rides, yours truly is on ladder leave!
  22. Captains wear tin caps, and sheriffs share riffs, but fire marshals never blow out marshmallow fires.
  23. Those roof tiles could use a good buttering up before the Big Bounce.
  24. Cheese isn't just solid milk. Look closer, friend.
  25. The little boat of my genius now hoists its sail to run over better waters, leaving behind a sea so cruel.