Mister Malaka

The pilot episode of Malcolm X In The Middle was a lot funnier than I thought it would be.

And the award for the most dopest opus goes to...Mr. Holland!

Since you slathered the gun in BBQ sauce, I think I'm gonna have to bite the bullet on this one.

Assuming I live that long, I can go from 0 to 60 in 60 years.

A piece of shit: now that's what I call Now That's What I Call Music CD's.

Franklin. Delano. Roosevelt. You are in a BIG trouble, mister! Go upstairs and clean your room. You're grounded!

Give me Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happyness. Those are my desert island movie choices.

When The Rock calls you a "Jabroni", he means you're an Italian male who likes My Little Pony.

Coffee is for closers, more specifically, Kyra Sedgwick.

If you like the outdoors as much as you like licking your lips, come down to LL Cool J's and LL Bean's grand opening of LL Cool Beans LLC.

I saw Howard Stern's Private Parts the other day and it still holds up. I plan on watching his movie now.

Brooke Burke's Birkenstock broke in the brook.

Half of Quidditch is finding the snitch. The other half is giving that son of a bitch stitches.

Every FaceTime butt dial is some butt time in your face.

Extra ball? Bonus multiplier? New high score? You're a pinball wizard, Harry!

Miss me once, shame on you. Miss me twice, now you gotta kiss me.

With a large enough table, a carpenter can go from table to farm.

I saw Sisters With Voices with my sisters without voices, but without my sisters with voices.

Sally Struthers smothered Smuckers over Sutherland's southern lands.

If the glove does not fit, you must go to the store and exchange it. I included a gift receipt.

The maid from Taiwan was not made in Taiwan. She was made in Manhattan like the maid from Manhattan.

Whoopi's whopping whooping cough stopped after sitting on a whoopee cushion while eating a whoopie pie and whoppers.

Make a man eat shit and you humiliate him for a day. Teach a man to eat shit and you feed him for a lifetime.

Sorry for the misunderstanding. I'm the EXERCISEist. I get your overweight demons into tip-top shape.

Your blood test results just came back and it turns out you're exactly my type. What are you doing tonight?