Mister Malaka

Smile! You're on a candid camera! Now give us a frown, because we caught you on camera shoplifting.

Shaq shafted Shaft by shaking Shaft's Shasta so Shaft shifted Shaq's shaft.

Squintin' Quentin Tarantino tears into a Totino's pizza to pieces.

I can't stand the bouncer. He's abusing his power. Just let me into the velvet rope store already.

Jeff Sessions' shushing session confession is the most scandalous shushing session of all the shushing sessions.

Dunkirk is done, Kirk. The credits wrapped up 20 minutes ago. Please leave the movie theater.

Dido's duty free dodo bird went doo-doo all over Diddy's daddy.

That that that that that that that that that that. Say that 10 times fast and you'll have said that 100 times.

The earthquake shook Shaq's Shake Shack shake sack.

Darla likes Alfalfa's sprouts, much to Spanky's chagrin.

Contessa, the kitchen stinks. Put some socks on you barefoot freak!

Yes, we're ready to order. I speak for everyone at the table when I say we all want to try the famous salmon teriyaki.

At this point, I'd like to ask if anyone wants to put down their gun. Speak now or forever hold your piece.

Why buy the milk at the grocery store when you can have the milk for free?

When it comes to choosing Jimmy's shoes, Jimmy chooses Jimmy Choos.

Without further ado, it's time to name your Monster's Ball King. And the winner is...Frankenstein's Monster! Get your green ass up here, boy!

My vision board has a lot of random blurry letters. I need glasses.

While Sir Mix-A-Lot and George Washington both cannot tell a lie, they differ widely on their opinions of appropriate butt sizes.

We're the people who talk about the interesting show. I'm your host Chris Hardwick. Welcome to Comedy Talk Talk.

Blood, BBQ sauce, grease, semen...the dirty church in town has all kinds of stained glass.

These defected condoms from Russia are causing lots of unwanted pregnancies.

We got off on the wrong foot. We can't help ourselves. We have a thing for wrong feet.

Hey autocorrect - glow duck your shelf!

In the case of the prince and the pauper, the prince's prints were all over the pauper's pooper.

Aziz Ansari is a master of none. Mother Teresa was a nun master.