Mister Malaka

I fought the law and the law won and by 'the law' I mean Judge Dredd.

My TV resolution has a lot in common with the way Tony Hawk goes to the bathroom. 1080p.

I think I've died and gone to paradise city. The grass is SO green here!

I've been to places where the grass is green and I've been to places where the girls are pretty but this paradise city has green grass AND pretty girls!

There was drama when Madonna's iguana from Tijuana got some lasagna on ya.

There was trace DNA found at the crime scene. I can't fault them for it though. DNA is very tough to draw freehand.

When the hell was I filmed for this show? I didn't know I was on I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant!

I have a strong feeling that I've stabbed a pin through a doll version of you before. Must be deja voodoo.

No daughter of mine is going out dressed like that. You look like a piece of meat with the length of that skirt steak.

Did you hear Michael Rapaport's retort about the report on Rapaport's rapport with reporters?

Muhammad Aaliyah floats like a butterfly and stings like a plane crash.

I can't fault my Grandma for pinching my cheeks every time I see her. At her age, she just doesn't see a bare ass that often.

You're preaching to the choir, which is good because the choir has been too busy singing to pay attention to the preacher.

Here's a simple trick to avoid the there/their/they're confusion. Go back to school, you idiot!

A big special thanks to Visine. There wasn't a dry eye in the house.

I don't usually do this kind of thing. I typically only fall for snakes. But there's just something so charming about the way you play that flute.

If actions speak louder than words, then actions clearly has never met my cousin Frank before.

I know when that hotline bling. That can only mean one thing. You'll be dead in 7 days. You just watched The Ring.

The hills have eyes. The hills have ears. The hills have arms. The hills have legs. Wait a second, those are hillbillies, not hills!

Thanks to my Hollywood Star Map, I now know where the Big Dipper is located.

Ride together, die together. Bad boys for however long until we die together.

Jerry Ferrara's Ferrero Rocher is the first Ferrero Rocher to feature an Ari Gold wrapper.

I need to get some shit off my chest. I thoroughly enjoy Cleveland Steamers.

The bow wow wow yippee yo yippee yeas have it. Motion passed.

Unable to keep up with the advancements in technology, Cindy Margolis is now the least streamed woman in the world.