Mister Malaka

Hi! We're Guns n' Roses. Welcome to the Jungle 2 Jungle marathon, only on TBS. Very funny.

What happens in Last Vegas? Seriously, what happens? I fell asleep during the movie.

I came down with a bad case of Legionnaires disease. I've been telling everyone I know that Legion airs on Wednesday February 8th on FX.

Turn dat fan on and turn around, Dat Phan, so I can get turned on by dat ass!

What do you mean, Miranda Rights?! I thought Carrie was the writer on the show.

And the Grammy for Best Rapper goes to...the Rapper's Delight Grammy from The Wedding Singer.

Let's cut to the Chase. Smash cut. Close up camera shot of Vincent Chase's face. Slowly pan out. Classic Vinny smile.

Cedric The Entertainer entertained Larry The Cable Guy's cable guy.

Welcome to the Empty V Network, the first and only television network dedicated exclusively to barren women.

Don't put all of your eggs in one basket. Unless you only have one egg. Then, I strongly encourage you to put all your eggs in one basket.

It's time to pucker-up, buttercup, because that fucker, Zuckerberg, put Smuckers jelly on his Fuddruckers burger.

Look on the Mr. Brightside of things, at least she touched your chest.

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick. Jack is touching a stranger's...CHEST. Now, he takes off her dress. Now, let me go.

In case of fire: stop, drop and roll. In case of spitting fire: stop, drop, shut 'em down, open up shop.

Phillip Phillips' Phillips-head screwdriver was found in Phillip Phillips' KFC Fill-Up box.

Feliz Navidad to Felix, the Na'vi dad.

I don't want to say my math professor is a pervert, but every answer on his exam spelled out boob, boobs, or boobies.

After attributing the success of Flo Rida to his name, Wiz Khonsin and Lil Weezy Anna were determined to take the rap game by storm.

Tyra Banks beat RuPaul in naming a TV show America's Next Top Model.

Jimmy is sleeping with the fishes. He's into a lot of weird shit now after his breakup.

Ever since Magic Mike came out, Michael The Magician was forced into early retirement.

Nevermore, indeed. That's so The Raven.

My four four year old doctor make sure all y'all kids don't grow by performing vasectomies.

Is that a bandana in your pocket or are you just happy being a cholo.

I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, provided that I'm wearing a shirt with sleeves.