JordanMaywood

Are you addicted to not divulging your name to fellow members of a popular online hacktivist group!? You may need Anonymous Anonymous Anonymous

I am so manly that when I lost a tooth I was visited by the Tooth Orc!

When you think of it they are actually more like boxing mittens...

Failed Board Games: Pick-Up Radioactive Rods, Newborn Baby Jenga, Mouse Genetic Engineering, Anorexic Bulimic Hippos.

The absolute saddest part of the last episode of Gilligan's Island is they actually discovered it was Gilligan's Peninsula...

Does a Berenstein Bear get circumcised in the woods!?

"Might as well face it I'm addicted to grubs." Robin Palmer.

You think the whales at SeaWorld have it bad you should see the tough time they have at LandWorld!

You hear about the new HBO period piece about music and an evil jousting knight? I bet it will have Sex & Violence & Sax & Violins & a Saxon Vile Lance.

Soup feels like a waste of time.

I have plenty of STD's. (Sexually Delightful Techniques)

I was preserving jams and accidentally bought Manson jars, Fortunately my jams are made for the Beautiful People.

The KKK will only use bird manure for their gardens.

Contrary to unpopular belief Abraham Lincoln was never not made of sentient toadstools.

Does the Pope think he is the Judge, Jury & Excommunicator!?

You know you are getting old when you start listening to Kid 'n' Work.

Canadian Movie Remakes: The Green Kilometer, Easy Eh, All The Prime Minister's Men,12 Nice Men, Alvin & the Ketchup Chip-munks. #JustTweets

My wife is crazy. She thinks I have OCD OCD OCD.

Without using dirty words I think the shortest most disgusting phrase may be "Moist Mayonnaise."

Do Toyota Highlander owners try to run each other off the road? There Can Be Only One.

I take such large shits it's unbelievable. That's why I have a skeptic tank.

If you ever find yourself playing in a Chess tournament in Philadelphia be warned because they have high Philly Chess Stakes

In the debate of Pepsi vs. Coke I find that you can't pay a prostitute with Pepsi.

I like my windows how I like my donuts how I don't like my faces looking at me when I am telling a story. #Glazed

I have a friend who is a raving lunatic. He is actually quite coherent but likes to go to raves.