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JordanMaywood

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Everything posted by JordanMaywood

  1. JordanMaywood
    My penis is so small that my phone auto-corrects my dick pics into vaginas!
  2. JordanMaywood
    Much like Garfield I hate Mondays, Love Lasagna and love fuckin' puss
  3. JordanMaywood
    Aloha" means hello, goodbye and most people don't know also means being tickled by an aloe plant.
  4. JordanMaywood
    Ships are named after women and I think it's because they have vaginas...
  5. JordanMaywood
    In the US they actually have ants with long legs called Daddy Long Leg Ants. Not really surprising since Americas Got Tall Ants.
  6. JordanMaywood
    The 5 W's of finding lost daisy dukes: What, why, when, who where's short shorts!?
  7. JordanMaywood
    My wife complains the more water she drinks. Turns water into whine...
  8. JordanMaywood
    You probably have cancerous legs from the asbestos pants since your lying is always setting your pants on fire!
  9. JordanMaywood
    Did you hear about the axe murder who terrorized the North Pole!? Hey loved to Chill-Axe.
  10. JordanMaywood
    Hybrids are good for orchids and cars but terrifying for Man-Sharks.
  11. JordanMaywood
    Does Galactus like the crust cut off his planets?
  12. JordanMaywood
    Stephen Hawking is pretty racist... "African American Hole" if you don't mind OK Steve!?
  13. JordanMaywood
    Knock Knock. Whose There? Time traveler stuck in a loop. Time traveler stuck in a loop who? Knock Knock
  14. JordanMaywood
    All phones are headphones cause that's where you ears are.
  15. JordanMaywood
    A shower is like a dishwasher for your body.
  16. JordanMaywood
    I cooked meats on a fire made from the pool cues that come with Pool Shark Babrie. A Barbie Cue Barbecue
  17. JordanMaywood
    Frosty must have been upset when he realized what a "Snow Blower" actually is...
  18. JordanMaywood
    I'm going commando today so if anyone needs a soldier specially trained to carry out raids today is the day!
  19. JordanMaywood
    At my funeral I want them to play lots of Nelly... a sort of Death Knelly...
  20. JordanMaywood
    I quit my last job after one day and my friend who put his neck out for me was really upset and also he was a giraffe...
  21. JordanMaywood
    Men eat Mars bars and women use Venus razor blades.
  22. JordanMaywood
    You need a check-up from the neck horizontally as I am afraid you may have laryngitis...
  23. JordanMaywood
    If I was blind I think I would prefer curtains.
  24. JordanMaywood
    Nothing like some deep fried Na'vi with some Avatartar sauce!
  25. JordanMaywood
    Cinnabon is much more popular than Cardamombon.
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