JordanMaywood

Looks like someone has set their magazine subscription to auto renew to make sure they get all "Daddy" issues!

I gotta say the food was a little rubbery the other day at Taco Ball....

Moths should be called Margarineflys.

The 90's were a confusing time... for example you could see Live live.

My favorite crooner made, reptile leather, Asian attire has to be the Perry Como Komodo Kimono

One time I was drinking snot and laughed so hard it came out of my nose.

I really do not understand belly button rings... the onion ones taste way better!

You think Wolverine's claws are impressive you should see his shoulder blades! Shoulder BLADES...

My magic needs to fill out some tax forms because I am going to work it!

Step-Daughters prefer Pearl Jelly.

Marriage is like the Borg. It has a queen and resistance is futile and nano-bots.

Opinions are like Onions spelled incorrectly.

They say having itchy palms means you will soon come into money which is why I think my home made poison ivy gloves will sell like hotcakes!

To Tony Hawk fails on a skateboard are like nails on a chalkboard.

I prefer Fraggle Jazz.

6 B-B-B-Bonus) Say what you will about The Mole People but if you are looking to party they are always down...

Originally Rowan Atckinson was cast as Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White. Magic Beans.

I will never forget the time I was Snipe hunting and got caught in a Bumbleberry bush.

I am starting to get worried that I will get typecast as a super funny, sexy, manly, intelligent, well liked and respected man.

I have such a strong sweet tooth I buy anti-lock cakes.

Adult diapers are easy to find but good luck finding an adult rattle!

In every generation a Slayer is born and releases an album called "Reign in Blood" OR One of the members of the band 'Slayer' is a vampire named Buffy AKA Buffy the Slayer Vampire.

Have you ever been to the sewage treatment plant in Chicago? AKA The Windy Shitty.

If you want to know the hottest trends you should ask a pediatric pulmonary specialist since they really have their fingers on the pulse of today's youth.

My Autonomic ganglion is a real bundles of nerves lately.