JordanMaywood
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Posts posted by JordanMaywood
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I am so manly that when I lost a tooth I was visited by the Tooth Orc!
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When you think of it they are actually more like boxing mittens...
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Failed Board Games: Pick-Up Radioactive Rods, Newborn Baby Jenga, Mouse Genetic Engineering, Anorexic Bulimic Hippos.
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The absolute saddest part of the last episode of Gilligan's Island is they actually discovered it was Gilligan's Peninsula...
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Does a Berenstein Bear get circumcised in the woods!?
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"Might as well face it I'm addicted to grubs." Robin Palmer.
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You think the whales at SeaWorld have it bad you should see the tough time they have at LandWorld!
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You hear about the new HBO period piece about music and an evil jousting knight? I bet it will have Sex & Violence & Sax & Violins & a Saxon Vile Lance.
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Soup feels like a waste of time.
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I have plenty of STD's. (Sexually Delightful Techniques)
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I was preserving jams and accidentally bought Manson jars, Fortunately my jams are made for the Beautiful People.
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The KKK will only use bird manure for their gardens.
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Contrary to unpopular belief Abraham Lincoln was never not made of sentient toadstools.
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Does the Pope think he is the Judge, Jury & Excommunicator!?
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You know you are getting old when you start listening to Kid 'n' Work.
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Canadian Movie Remakes: The Green Kilometer, Easy Eh, All The Prime Minister's Men,12 Nice Men, Alvin & the Ketchup Chip-munks. #JustTweets
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My wife is crazy. She thinks I have OCD OCD OCD.
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Without using dirty words I think the shortest most disgusting phrase may be "Moist Mayonnaise."
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Do Toyota Highlander owners try to run each other off the road? There Can Be Only One.
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I take such large shits it's unbelievable. That's why I have a skeptic tank.
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If you ever find yourself playing in a Chess tournament in Philadelphia be warned because they have high Philly Chess Stakes
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In the debate of Pepsi vs. Coke I find that you can't pay a prostitute with Pepsi.
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I like my windows how I like my donuts how I don't like my faces looking at me when I am telling a story. #Glazed
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I have a friend who is a raving lunatic. He is actually quite coherent but likes to go to raves.
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