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About klause

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  1. klause

    Practical Magic (1998)

    I'd like to see the crew watch all of those interchangeable witch movies and then be quizzed and have to explain which plot was which
  2. klause

    Con Air.

    This movie definitely needs to be done. It's the paragon of good/bad action flicks.
  3. klause

    Van Helsing (2004)

    I usually don't get nit-picky about sci-fi/superhero movies. I dunno why Iron Man 3 just bugged me for some reason. Maybe just because in the beginning of the movie (before I understood the plot) I thought it was funny that they made a leaf explode, and I liked imagining it was because studio execs insist that everything must explode in action movies. But about Van Helsing...if we can't make fun of the exploding carriage scene, then why does this forum exist?
  4. klause

    Van Helsing (2004)

    Hmm, I considered this possibility that he secretly planted explosives in the carriage beforehand, but then when I watched the sequence play out on screen I decided that somehow anticipating that crazy sequence of events would be even more absurd than wood spontaneously exploding. And as for Iron Man 3, I'm not saying they didn't try to explain it, I'm just saying it's stupid. If it was due to overheating, it would reach a temperature that causes flames long before going up in a blast like that, and if it was due to being unstable, as in nuclear decay, there would be incredible amounts of radiation being given off by these plants/people, which is never an issue in the movie. Not to mention, the odds of such a contained fission reaction that the people nearby merely end up with some cartoon-like black soot on their faces is pretty low...
  5. klause

    Van Helsing (2004)

    YES! Oh man, oh man, this movie was great. I turned it on the other day with my cousin right during the chase scene between the flying vamp-hags and the horse-drawn carriage. Then the horse-drawn carriage falls off a cliff and my cousin goes "There's no way this carriage is gonna explode, right? Please explode! Please explode! PLEEEASE..." Needless to say, Van Helsing did not disappoint. Oh boy that wooden carriage (with no explosives in it, mind you) went up like a damned mushroom cloud. Cuz, you know...physics. I wish I was a fly on the wall when that scene was filmed. I like to imagine it went like this: Studio executive: "What the fuck is this? That wagon barely even made a bang when it hit the ground. I didn't see a single fucking flame." Screenwriter (or director): "Well yes, Mr. Grossman, that's because wood doesn't explode spontaneously when it hits the ground." Studio executive: "What are you, Albert fucking Einstein? DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MOVIES WORK? HOW THE FUCK IS THE AUDIENCE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THE ACTION SEQUENCE IS OVER IF IT DOESN'T EXPLODE?? MAKE IT FUCKING BLOW THE SHIT UP!" I also imagine that's roughly the same way the plant leaf ended up exploding in the beginning of Iron Man 3.
  6. One additional point: This terrible movie also caused the author of the original comic, Alan Moore, to vow to never again let one of his books/comics get made into a film. (I mean, yeah, Watchmen still got made but he fought that tooth and claw.) I gotta admit, though, it was kind of a guilty pleasure when I was like 13 years old. What can I say, it had cool Jules Verne ships, elaborate period sets, action, and zeppelins. That and Van Helsing. I'll...I'll see myself out now.
  7. klause

    Small Soldiers (1998)

    I think this movie might be too much in the middle ground to be a good candidate. It's too watchable to be a bad-bad movie, but not crazy awesome enough to be a bad-awesome movie like Crank or Fast 5
  8. klause

    Congo (1995)

    Ah, one of the few movies that made my six year old self go "yeah...I don't think that's how things work."
  9. klause

    Monkeybone (2001)

    Seems like the perfect movie for How Did This Get Made. In fact, I'm kinda surprised Brendan Fraser hasn't made a single appearance yet (I think...?). If you look in the dictionary under the entry "Next Level Bonkers," you will find this movie. If I recall correctly, Brendan Fraser's character has a near-death experience and ends up in some sort of purgatory and his spirit guide is a claymation version of a cartoon monkey he made in real life? But then the monkey is evil and is trying to steal his body before he makes it back. Or something. I may be way off with that synopsis, but regardless, it has everything you need for a How Did This Get Made podcast: - A horny clay monkey wearing fake boobs at one point - Brendan Fraser - An overwhelming amount of terribly designed late-90s sets and monster costumes - Kris Kattan's possessed corpse