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Joven

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Everything posted by Joven

  1. Joven

    Thoughts After Viewing "Sharknado 2"

    It was not as bad as I was expecting (I was expecting it to be as bad or worse than Birdemic 2), the ending was pretty crap, but the rest of it was ok (still not great, not as good as the first, but I never found myself looking at the progress bar with dread.) Was the Weather Channel thing, talking about shark winds and rain and stuff, Fin's sanity breaking and him imagining that? Or is it supposed to mean that the Weather Channel called the sharknado thing WAAAAAAYYYY before anyone else did and just no one was watching? (because every single person, agency, organization, business, authority, etc were completely oblivious to any kind of weather events happening until it was literally right on top of them, and even then they still seemed not really aware.) Youd think maybe someone in an air traffic control tower might see fit to glance at a weather report every so often, maybe. Did Fin and his little buddy like literally play Batman and Robin when they were younger? Like dress up as them and attempt to fight real crime as though they were the 60s Batman? Because they had little quips and names for everything. Like when they simultaniously said 'Frogger!', and 'Bait and Switch!', would have easily been lifted right out of a 60s Batman script. Speaking of 'Bait and Switch'...the shark was gone, and when the 'bait' baited the shark, all he did was call attention to "hey look over this way, so you can see my brother-in-law run up to this thing right exactly where I was and turn his back on you...because im going to be halfway up the stairs before you even start swimming this way" Also, the song was the worst, its like if there was an actual Sharknado IRL, and to commemorate it, Linda Finkle wrote a song about it and an emo boy with a crappy mic sang it.
  2. Joven

    Episode 89 — Gooby

    Kinda correction/omission, but in the episode they were talking about the stupid hot dog scene, and Paul said that Gooby said 'watch this' and then threw the hotdog at the kid...but actually he said "Ever seen this before?" then took another bite of the hot dog and threw it at him...like it was an actual thing that people do? Like its a common sleepover party trick, 'oh, the old take a bite of a cold hot dog and throw it at your friends face gag, I love that one.' Also, this stupid thing didn't know what broccoli was, didn't know what brussels sprouts were, or anything about Captain Crunch, but just pointed to a tupperware container that was off-screen and said 'pass me those hot dogs'. And speaking of Captain Crunch, what kind of grocery store keeps the cat food sandwiched between the Captain Crunch and the pancake batter?
  3. Joven

    Episode 89 — Gooby

    Im only about 15 minutes into the movie, but so far its really feeling like an episode of "Are You Afraid of the Dark", except nowhere near as good. *edit- OK, gooby showed up now...its way way worse.
  4. Joven

    HDTGM.....Video Game Edition?

    Not quite a podcast on it (more like a rifftrax kinda thing), but theres Retsupurae, which do a feature called Wrongpuraes, where they watch a playthrough of a stupid game. Personal favorites: Ernest Evans (ie Ernest goes to Anime) - T.R.A.G. (if resident evil and metal gear had a flipper baby that loved anime, and it coded a game) - Urban Runner (ie, Poorkour) - Crime Patrol (ie, hey rookie, paperwork is hard, just murder everyone) - And, this one has a nice crossover with movies, because it literally is also a movie they stuck scenes of into an FMV shooting gallery game...and it has a character named Butts -
  5. Joven

    Episode 87.5 — Minisode 87.5

    "Hulkamaniacs rejoice" Hmm, I'm not a Hulkamaniac, it sounds like so much fun though, they get to rejoice, and according to Hulk Hogans rap album (which is a thing, somehow), they hang out with their family and friends, and always swim with a buddy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-GDy65ZYsI
  6. 1. Miami Connection 2. The Stabilizer 3. D.O.A - Dead or Alive 4. Girls Just Want to Have Fun 5. Friday the 13th Part 5 or Equilibrium
  7. You only have the ability to purchase ONE movie ever again and want bang for the buck? BAM! This movie is at least 5 different movies. So, a young man named Yu is coming to terms with his mothers death, he loses his religion and his father is a Catholic Priest, theres a lot of tension, so what does he do? He sets off in the world to become the worlds best up-skirt photographer...honing his craft into a ninja like art he gains followers of perverts who wish to learn his ways, During an outing while crossdressing as a popular female criminal he meets the love of his life and has to save her from a gang, which gets Yu his first boner (oh yeah, he has never had one before, despite being a pornographer). But she only falls for him because she thinks he was a woman, how can he get her to love the real him despite his inability to control his penis around her, especially now a vicious rival has fallen for him and vows to destroy her? Especially now that his relationship with his father is falling apart even more now that a young pushy woman has started making moves on him and causing him to start to waver in his morals and causing conflict as a priest. Plus Yu has to manage his growing pornography business which uses trappings of Catholic services and confessionals to the delight of crowds of perverts. Anyway theres an evil cult, did I mention the evil cult? So the evil cult eventually converts his girlfriend and he has to unbrainwash her, saving her he now has to don his crossdressing criminal persona and use his ninja skills to fight his way through the cult with a sword to rescue his family, but now hes insane and needs to be rescued himself from the mental institution by his girlfriend and the gang of perverts and this movie is 4 god damn hours long.
  8. Joven

    Episode 85 — Color of Night

    Doesn't she show up, maybe in the next scene after the lipstick thing, in a red dress? Like ill show some sensitivity towards you by not wearing red lipstick...but that's as far as I go. And no symbolism on the chair like that, because it's not sports themed, it's just a hand.
  9. Joven

    Episode 32 — 88 Minutes

    88 MINUTES CAUSED THE ILLUMINATI TO HIRE QUEEN ELIZABETH TO THROW MUD FROM THE ROOF OF THE FREEDOM TOWER AT MALAYSIAN FLIGHT 370...OR SOMETHING! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvvrHHvYLzs
  10. Joven

    Episode 32 — 88 Minutes

    I've only watched the movie once, and only listened to the episode 5 times (at least according to iTunes, but it seems like I've listened to it more times), but now that you mention it, I never did see the toothy lawyer and just assumed I forgot about it. Maybe I'll check out the scene on Amazon tomorrow.
  11. Joven

    Episode 85 — Color of Night

    On the Catchers Mitt/Hand debate, I'd weigh in for hand. Sure its brown and leather, which is probably where the confusion comes in, but the fingers are distinct unlike a catchers mitt, and theres no webbing or anything between the fingers.
  12. Joven

    Episode 85 — Color of Night

    So if Bruce Willis had been driving his own car, and actually gave a shit if it was damaged or not, he might have actually got contact information for Rose the first time they met, which would have led him to the conclusion of who she really was way faster? Good thing he inexplicably didn't care to have any contact information for a traffic accident or for his girlfriend. Speaking of, whose car was Rose driving the whole time? I know the cop ran the plate for him, but I forgot whose it turned out to be.
  13. Joven

    Yatterman

    Probably not HDTGM material since its intentionally wacked out, and is overall pretty awesome. However, I'm sure Jason would appreciate it, because if you're making a movie about giant robots fighting each other, why not have a scene of two giant robots fucking? People die by teabagging, a giant robot shoots missiles out of its carrot penis, of course being japanese theres some tentacles, and everything is weirdly cute. Definitely worth watching.
  14. Joven

    Episode 84.5 — Minisode 84.5

    For me this movie was mostly just boring, nothing really crazy or even notable really happens until the tweest, and even that is kinda meh. Characters are more annoying than anything, and overall I'd say this movie is like shit Friday the 13th part 5 mixed with shit Sleepaway Camp, mixed with shit.
  15. Joven

    Mystery Science Theater 3000

    Didn't really like the shrimp one, the guy and a goose one was ok (not great, but much better than the first), but the Demon Bat episode made up for both of them.
  16. Joven

    Soldier Boyz (1995)

    So this movie also spawned something much better than itself, in the golden age of FMV games, this movie was translated into a video game. It gets rid of a lot of the pointless things like plot and character development, and adds in much better things, like a shell game for condoms at a Vietnamese whore house. Oh, and its directed, at least in part, by Darren Aronofsky, so theres that.
  17. So, the daughter of a billionaire is captured by rebels in Vietnam (rebels led by Sang Sum from Mortal Kombat), using the vast wealth at his disposal he hires a highly trained team of elite mercenaries who...oh, wait, no, he goes to a youth prison and convinces a retired/off duty/whatever Major to wrangle up a bunch of kids and offer them pardons in exchange for going into enemy territory and getting her back. So after way too much setup involving stupid backstory and nothing of substance, they get to Vietnam, leave the army base they entered at and get deep into enemy territory, they only have 3 days to get her back, ok, better get a move on then...err, well the first day they spend...training. Yeah, maybe something you might have wanted to do before you actually get out into the field. Eventually they start trudging their way on foot through the jungle, and that basically is the bulk of the movie, trudging through the jungle coming across one lame excuse for an action sequence after another, theres some personal issues they deal with as they bond, and its all very stupid. These people can not shoot, I don't know what kind of acting class they took to pretend they are shooting guns, but waving the gun in the air or frantically gyrating it doesn't quite work. I think Butts is the worst at it, who at one point one handed sideways-gangsta style shoots an m16 while thrusting it forward. Oh yeah, theres a character named Butts. If ever a name needs to be shouted, you can be sure its going to be Butts'. Join Butts as he mostly hides in the corner and flails a gun around, Brophy and his swastika chest tatoo as he spits like a camel in every scene, Monster the murdering rapist, Lopez the exercise yard shanker with a heart of gold, and the budding romance of Vasquez the proto-michelle-rodriguez and Lamb the whiny coward who came from 21 jump street and learned karate at a chinese restaurant. But mostly stay for Butts.
  18. Joven

    Karate Dog (2005)

    The cow in Kung Pow: Enter the Fist looked way more believable than that dog.
  19. Joven

    Noah (2014)

    Review from biblical literalist and creationist fakey museum owner Ken Ham: "Psychopathic Noah sees humans as a blight on the planet and wants to rid the world of people." Yeah, what a psychopathic thing to want...what was the point of the story again?...
  20. Joven

    Noah (2014)

    Directed by Darren Aronofsky: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZaZaw7PXCM (all Butts knows how to do is take...) Whats good about Noah is that its already got a lot of big name fundies hating it because it strays from the source material and is all hollywood-ized, so maybe their target audience may even not want to see it.
  21. Joven

    Black Dynamite

    I've seen a few (Coffy, if you jive her, she'll cream ya!), but while they're cheesy, its a different kind of cheesy. Even The Monkey Hustle, which was trying to actually be a comedy on top of everything else wasnt the same kind of cheesy as Black Dynamite. I guess in movies like Airplane or Hot Shots I feel like the actors are playing characters in situations, whereas in Black Dynamite it feels like the actors are playing actors who are making a movie.
  22. Joven

    HDTGM All-Stars

    So just watched the Super Mario Bros rifftrax, and they mentioned Bob Hoskins was in Spice World. I don't remember him, but imdb says so, and that makes 2 for him.
  23. Joven

    Episode 83.5 — Minisode 83.5

    Wow, the climactic battle between Zeus and Hogan, it really got me inspired how seeing the plight of a loved one he was able to reach deep inside himself to get a second wind and come back against overwhelming odds and be even better than before, and then when he did it for the fifth time in the same fight immediately after already having done that, I came a little. And the sixth time he did it right after that, epic. I didn't care for the seventh time, but his eighth second wind more than made up for it, it was like a second wind second wind. So, Zeus died, right? He had to have, betting he fell on that pipe he ripped off the ring and stabbed through the floor earlier and killed him even if the fall didn't. So remind me again, why did Zeus first go to jail? something about killing an opponent in the ring? eh whatever.
  24. I'd say it's nothing like it. Nuns on the Run is in the Sister Act category, people going undercover AS nuns, whereas Nundercover is a nun who goes undercover as other people. Might as well say Black Knight is just like Dark Knight...
  25. Joven

    Equilibrium (2002)

    Just cause youtube apparently blocked the video i put up: So Bale is supposed to be able to tell when people are feeling, and as we find out the 3rd conciliatory tetragrammaton councilman whatsisface, who was previously emoting up a storm but you can easily be forgiven as thinking it was just bad acting, does feel, a lot, flagrantly right in front of Bale in many scenes...so whats his deal? I guess he wants power and thats neat, but having your emotions in that world must suck anyway because along with joy, love, etc you get boredom...and if the movie is anything to go by, he must have been bored stiff all day every day. Maybe thats why he's such a dick? He's supported by 'the council' as the new Father, do they know he's feeling? Do they care? Are they the Intel workers who photoshop his face away in public service announcements? Why bother keeping the 'Father' continuity, if latching onto a figure of devotion like that is an emotional thing? God this movie is stupid.
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