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Joven

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Posts posted by Joven

  3. Posted

    To tie it nicely to HDTGM, one of the characters does insult another by calling them a dildo, as Jason is wont to do.

    Theres kind of a lot to talk about in this movie, random things like what is the piece of farm equipment at the end, lady flashing herself in the mirror, outhouse duet serenade, and every second momma is on screen.

     

    Its also remarkable how much the main character looks like an older Corey Feldman, its pretty uncanny...perfect casting choice...

     

    Theres a really good iriff rifftrax available for this, which means I've watched this movie an unreasonable amount of times - http://www.rifftrax.com/iriff/hor-riff-ic-friday-the-13th-part-v (they've also done other HDTGM Halloween movies Halloween 3 and Sleepaway Camp.)

  6. Posted

    From the IMDB quote page: "I saw... its thoughts. I saw what they're planning to do. They're like locusts. They're moving from planet to planet... their whole civilization. After they've consumed every natural resource they move on... and we're next. Nuke 'em. Let's nuke the bastards. "

     

    Even if there were other aliens, that whole distress signal thing is pretty crappy, it would take eons for the signal to reach the other ships...remember, these are aliens who needed to hijack our crappy satellites to actually communicate with each other on the other side of the planet, communications technology is clearly not their strong suit.

     

    I watched that movie way too damn many times, I take my ID4 lore very seriously, lol.

  8. Posted

    Birdemic made more sense, and was a much much better put together movie too. Like at any given time you could at least describe a scene. "Oh, this is a scene where they need water, so wander aimlessly into the woods and meet a kindly wig enthusiast. Hark, a mountain lion approaches and bark beetles are borning down the forest for insurance money, time to flee."

     

    I dont think there were more than 2 or 3 coherent scenes in this entire movie, and thats stretching the definition of coherent quite a bit to get that many.

  9. Posted

    So I just watched this (in case anyone wondering, that link up there is the whole movie free on youtube)...and while I don't think it would make a good episode, its worth a watch, but I have questions.

     

    Mainly ones like, "Huh!?", "But, wait, what!?" and "No seriously, what the flying fuck?"

     

    Basically it brings to mind if like Meltdown and Jay Sherman's student film in The Critic had a crack baby that they then dropped on its head multiple times and vigorously rubbed a chunk of fool's gold into the wounds instead of taking it to the doctor.

     

    Also, I guess we're supposed to cheer the fact that a guy who is a terrorist for no reason decided to be slightly less terroristy at the last moment for no reason? And to connect with him as he seemingly gives up the terroristing by destroying his computers (which by the way was established he needed to constantly keep with him in order to not set off many other terroristalogical attacks he himself set up as a dead-man's switch thing...)

     

    Also, this movie had an editor! I don't fucking buy it. There were 2 even, if you count the lead/director/producer/caterer.

     

    So, other than the main character, who is the villain in this movie? Chronologically, what the fuck? Also what happened, if anything, over the course of this movie? Who was "him", and why would someone who is angered over the loss of his own fiance who was killed to get to him be so easy to go along with a "kill this guy's loved ones to get to him" plan?

     

    Who drinks a glass of champagne with a whole strawberry in it? What branch of the military's uniforms are denim vests? How did they know he would step in that gum? How do you hack into an 80s Ferrari with a cell phone? WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!?!?!

     

    Basically, this movie would have made more sense if it was about a sentient KFC Double Down.

  10. Posted

    Clearly you haven't posted the reply from 3 months ago yet. 2 years down the road after HDTGM finally do this episode you used the StumbleUpon extension to wind up at an old geocities site with a bunch of animated mailbox gifs, that had a webring link that took you to this thread from Feb 10th, where you thought you havent posted yet and needed to rectify that.

    • Like 2

  11. Posted

    Man, I'm so behind on my podcast episodes this week.

    I agree with Paul about the ridiculousness of the announcers declaring that the Chinese fighter was moving like a snake/monkey/tiger as if they've never seen that before. You would think an announcer for an international fighting tournament would have the background information of the major styles of martial arts from each country. There are various kung fu styles, but those taught at shaolin schools, such as the imitative styles of the snake, monkey, tiger, etc would be familiar to these announcers.

     

    It wasn't the announcers, it was just Maxie, who I'm fairly certain hadn't been hired by the tournament in any official capacity. Unless he preemptively applied for it just in case JCVD lost the first round and needed a job at his new residence.

    • Like 1

  12. Posted

    I guess a catch-up, I've been listening to Decoder Ring Theatre, a podcast that does shows in the style of old fashioned radio plays.

     

    I've recently finished all the currently released ones of the pulp hard boiled detective series Black Jack Justice, which was really good. Can't say I like their other show, The Red Panda Adventures, nearly as much though. Its OK, I guess, its like a more lighthearted and Canadian version of The Shadow, performances are OK but its not really my thing.

    They only come out once a month though, and tend to alternate between Black Jack Justice and Red Panda Adventures, with some side stuff coming in the middle of the month sometimes, so theres not a huuge amount of content that comes out regularly, but its all well acted and a lot of effort has clearly been put into it.

    • Like 1

  13. Posted

    Also, I'm tickled by just how proud Carrie is at proclaiming how she got her job through nepotism. It is especially apparent that she didn't get her job through talent when, after watching JCVD fight for the first time, she tells Dobbs, "You have to get me this story!" Um...isn't that you're job?

     

    Did she though? On one hand, she says her father owns the paper, but I got the sense that she saw through Dobbs' nonsense but found him interesting, and was inflating her own importance. So, oh, you're a lord...well my father owns the New York Times. Having fun by bullshitting a bullshitter.

     

    I mean I'm not 100% sure on that, one could make the case that if she wasn't connected why would they send her across the world to "get her out of our hair" instead of just firing her...but on the other hand, if she was, why would you ever tell her that? Plus, the guy on the phone didn't recognize her by her by name immediately.

    • Like 1

  14. Posted

    So maybe it was just the version I watched, and theres a directors cut with 2 seconds extra footage, but why didn't China vs Brazil warrant an announcement?

     

    That was the only one in the movie I believe where the fighters just popped into the ring to fight each other on their own. Was it an editing mistake, or was it somewhat unsanctioned and the Chinese fighter was getting psyched into his monkey role for the next match, and the Brazilian was wearing a Carmen Miranda hat and everything just spiraled out of control? And the tournament judges, being kinda loosey goosey already, just rolled with it?

  15. Posted

     

    Oh, I believe you when you say something Japanese is comically racist. I don't think they do it with any malice or hateful intent, they're just sort of unaware how bad it really is.

     

    Like the Black guy with a white New York sounding voice.

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtzlKJ1dObU

     

    So I was hoping in order to tie G Gundam into this movie a bit more that Neo-Mongolia would have been something good, like a Genghis Khan theme or something, but it was just kinda bland. Specially compared to Neo-Egypt, which is a giant robotic mummy, which is piloted by an actual mummy, or Tequila Gundam of Neo-Mexico (which itself is a giant space sombrero/cactus).

     

    The crowning jewel I guess, even more so than the windmill gundam, or the one with a literal viking ship attached is Zebra Gundam:

    gf13-020nk.jpg

    So, in a step above The Quest, instead of being from Africa as a whole, they at least made it from Kenya.

     

    Also in a bit of a correction, they said the Spanish fighter was just in slacks, but it looked like he was going for a bull fighter kind of motif. Although I don't know how round kicks to the face would play against a bull. And he kind of had a Xena style thing he did when attacking that was kinda weird. Maybe bull fighters do that, too? At any rate all I know about Spain and fighting is about bulls, they fight bulls and they run from bulls, so of course if they were to build a giant robot to represent their country's martial prowess...

    X0XGRiY.jpg

    Also, in the Spain vs Russia fight, again playing to the stereotypes of Spanish guys being suave womanizers, they had him give a sensual look to the reporter lady that just really emphasized the fact that she is literally the only woman there. (at least in Bloodsport there were a couple other random background ladies all dressed up pretending like the Kumite was some special event and not just basically a warehouse half the size of a middle school basketball court crammed full of unwashed peasants with a single platform in the middle and hard wooden benches.)

  16. Posted

    So the thing with Maxie I dont get is, why didn't he do anything the entire movie? Mostly he was there to provide like a minor amount of emotional support, but having forgetting most the movie since last I saw it, I was really expecting him to teach JCVD a move, or a skill or something.

     

    Like he kept yelling at him to "cover up" because JCVD keeps letting himself get punched in the damn face (and he never does cover up), but I was really expecting like a "here's the story of how I became the champ...such and such was coming at me and I did MY ULTIMATE TECHNIQUE, and blamo, that boiled his potatus. Here let me show you that thing so it can come in handy at a dramatic moment."

     

     

    Also, not sure if anyone here has ever watched G Gundam, but its basically like this movie in giant robots, except way dumber and way more comically racist, so its great...but Maxie Divine has a spiritual successor in Neo America's boxing champion Chibodee Crocket. Both really scrawny heavyweight boxing champs with all-American down home names.

    • Like 2

  19. Posted

    I dont think the main kid's clothes can even be explained simply by "it was the 80s". I mean, what was going on there?

     

    Like, if this was another late 80s movie..like say, Hobgoblins. Vampire-hunter Corey would be Nick, and Just-moved-there Corey would be Daphne. Except even her outfits aren't as strange I feel.

  22. Posted

    the fan fiction for this movie must be insane

     

     

    Of course not, as the master of fan fiction, Hans von Hozel, demonstrates:

    ----

    All the Covenants wanted to use on their powers.

     

    "When we use our powers!" say the Covenants, "It makes a drugs!"

     

    And so the Covenants used their powers.

     

    They made a happy danube in the sky.

     

    The people saw the Covenants happy powers, and wanted to make a using of these.

     

    "WE WANT YOUR POWERS ALSO!" say the people, and they go Covenant hunting!

     

    The Covenants hide in a castle, but the people knocked down the roof and a splat.

     

    "Oh no!" say the people, "We have crush Covenants and now not powers for us!!!!"

     

    The people made a sadly.

     

    They had destroyed all powers.

     

    ---

    • Like 3

  23. Posted

    I had nothing better to do, so I quick cut together a sample for the Quiptracks rifftrax for this movie

     

    https://vimeo.com/158770733

     

    Also, thinking about the flying Hummer driving off the cliff just brought to mind the shitty Dragon Ball: Evolution movie, also a good Quiptracks riff available for that too.

     

    Another thing I remembered, did they mention in the episode about how wannabe Draco thought the best way to hit on the blonde girl was to tell her how much she reminded him of his grandmother?

    • Like 2

  24. Posted

    Something that just kinda thought of, relating to how they were expecting a "we're stronger together, power of friendship" thing. So it took all of them at once using their power to make the Hummer fly...but Caleb on his own and seemingly on a whim or as an immediate reaction was able to instantly disintegrate and reassemble himself and a car, which I would think would have been quite a bit harder to do. Was Tyler just such a useless load he weighed the whole thing down too much for any one witch to lift?

    • Like 1
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