Why? Because fuck your 2-for-1 Pizza Factory coupon, that's why

[Why? Because fuck your 2-for-1 Pizza Factory coupon, that's why]

Yeah

[Brobots before Hobots]

http://www.hobot.com.tw/products.php

[FYI Doctor, it's a bit confusing when you shout "Abort! Abort!" in the middle of an abortion procedure]

Too soon?

[I can't figure out if Miss Piggy gave me a blow job or Frank Oz gave me a hand job]

Edited because Jim Henson has been dead for 25 years

[Did somebody say, "Fuck the Muppets"??]

Besides John Denver, I mean

[A man walks into a bar.]

He sits down and says to the bartender, "You wouldn't believe the week I had. First, I lost my job. Then, my wife left me for another man. Finally, my dear old mother died in a horrible house fire." The bartender goes directly over to the man, places a hand on his shoulder and says, "I'm sorry for your loss, buddy, but you're gonna have to leave. You're bringin' everybody down in here!"

[The only thing I'm guilty of is caring too much. And 36 counts of public nudity.]

The only thing I'm guilty of is caring too much. And 36 counts of public nudity.

[I'd be more supportive of an all-robot workforce if somebody would just glue some googly eyes onto them]

But make sure they're securely fastened; I don't want to find any googly eyes in my hamburger

[It may surprise you to learn that the chicken and the egg were able to come at the same time]

They had that kind of relationship

[Today I fucked Up. The Pixar movie. The hole in the middle of the DVD was a perfect fit]

Etc.

[I'm sorry, but I don't have time to kick your ass right now]

Maybe next time

[Are you there, God? It's me, butterface]

Boom goes the dynamite

[Please quit dragging your favorite member of the Jackson family into every conversation when it's not germane]

That was a tough nut to crack

[My wife is pregnant and I gotta admit, I'm hoping for somebody who self-identifies as a boy]

My wife is pregnant and I gotta admit, I'm hoping for somebody who self-identifies as a boy

[if you play Pac-Man backwards you have a lot of ghosts avoiding a pellet-spewing madman]

Bac-Man

[Ever notice that "no tips" spelled backwards is "spit on"?]

Ever notice that "no tips" spelled backwards is "spit on"?

[During its entire history, the World Horse Association never managed to pass even a single motion]

The constant, unanimous negativity was the greatest scandal in all of horsedom

[Is that a banana in your pocket, or a depiction of covered male genitals in a discernibly turgid state?]

Either way, it's illegal in Cleveland

[I'm sorry about last night's incident, but in fairness you should have told me about your no-snakes policy BEFORE you hired me as a babysitter]

...

[You're right, being a mushroom farmer is a lot of fun... but my name isn't Gus]

...

[There's no "we" in "team" either, coach]

There's no "we" in "team" either, coach

[Bill Shatner found another "captain's log" in his bed this morning]

Needs to clean it up before he bones McCoy

[Elvis liked to take big shits, but in the end it was a big shit that took him]

Drop this one on Aug 15

[The window blind industry is 100% committed to ending drape culture]

The window blind industry is 100% committed to ending drape culture

[One out of ten words in this catchphrase is gay]

Can you spot it?