Yo' mama got played by more men than James Bond

[Yo' mama got played by more men than James Bond]

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[Comedy equals tragedy plus a fart joke]

As a cornoisseur of the genre, I'm sure you've heard tell of the legendary Minnesota Corn Farts tragedy?

[Your balls. My face. A juggling act gone horribly wrong.]

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[Fun fact, R2-D2 isn't sentient; C-3P0 is just a really good ventriloquist]

ever see his lips move?

[Comedy equals tragedy plus a fart joke]

You're onto something here, professor, but I think the equation can be further simplified:

comedy = tragedy + fart

[There was a young hamster named Steve, whose exploits you wouldn't believe. He once stole a knife, and took his own life; it was sad but if you knew Steve back in the day it wouldn't come as a huge surprise]

RIP Steve

[Conrad Bain died of an intraCEREBRAL brain hemorrhage; Gary Coleman died of an intraCRANIAL brain hemorrhage. Different strokes for different folks]

would've been super-ironic if they'd died of the same type of stroke

[Waiter, that soup you served me tasted like piss. And it wasn't even hot!]

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[It is a common practice in some countries to rub Vicks Vaporub on one's genitals to ward off the spirit of friend-of-the-show Larry King]

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[Just a reminder that a vampire cannot enter your home without permission, but Larry King can, and he likes to watch you sleep]

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[Ishtar never did answer the question posed in the film's trailer: Is a bell a Johnny?]

 

[Bezirksschornsteinfegermeister? I hardly know 'er!]

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[If you don't believe the median age of people living in Carlsbad, California is 40.4 years, you must have lost your census!]

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[Your client's story doesn't pass the sniff test, counselor. And quite frankly, neither do his balls]

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[Danny Bonaduce breaks down his most iconic character]

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[Inspector Gadget? I hardly know 'er gadget!]

And anyway, her warranty clearly states all device assessments must be performed at the Apple store

[Frankly, my door, I don't give a jamb]

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[I take two shits in the morning, I take two shits at night. I take two shits in the afternoon, it makes me feel alright. I take two shits in time of peace and two in time of war. I take two shits before I take two shits and then I take two more]

classic weird al

[Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix? I hardly know 'er and the Order of the Phoenix]

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[I've been through the desert on a horse with no name, and after he died of dehydration, I wished I'd heeded the advice of the camel salesman]

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[I can't figure out which one is a Trandoshan bounty hunter and which one is Judith Light]

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[As the senator from Tatooine, I "dewback" the Supreme Chancellor's proposal]

heh

[I don't know if King Arthur was the king of Camelot, but I can say for sure that Bea Arthur was the queen of cameltoe]

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[Fun fact, if you took the intestines of everyone on Earth and stretched them out, it would be pretty gross]

 

[The world nowadays is like the Canadian Mint: It doesn't make any cents. Or mints.]

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