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Pure Guava

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Everything posted by Pure Guava

  1. Pure Guava
    Lube Reed implores you to take a walk on the wild glide
  2. Pure Guava
    Momma always said if you can't say something nice then don't get out of bed, you are a worthless piece of human garbage and shouldn't be seen in public.
  3. Pure Guava
    Poke-hontas taught the English settlers that fish could indeed be eaten raw
  4. Pure Guava
    Like peanut butter on a horse's lips, you really move me
  5. Pure Guava
    Gold Bondola powder keeps your balls dry as you row through Venice
  6. Pure Guava
    Dude, spoiler alert!
  7. Pure Guava
    Still waters run deep, Muddy Waters runs cheap. All Blues albums 40% off with coupon.
  8. Pure Guava
    I'm very squeamish around deep wounds. Hashtag gash gag.
  9. Pure Guava
    Just ONCE in my life I'd like to see the dead meat eat the vulture. Life can be so unfair. #millennialproblems
  10. Pure Guava
    All my exes live in Texas. And of course by "exes" I mean "victims" and by "live" I mean "died by my own hands" and by "Texas" I mean "37 states and counting". You get the general idea.
  11. Pure Guava
    Make that 38
  12. Pure Guava
    Unfortunately for her father, Lizzie Borden greatly misunderstood the term "life hacks"
  13. Pure Guava
    Corpses with great looking teeth are the ultimate consolation prize. Thanks fluoride in tap water!
  14. Pure Guava
    Little Jack Horner sat in a corner suffering from severe intestinal distress caused by eating produce without properly washing his disgusting thumb beforehand.
  15. Pure Guava
    You know what they always say..."What good is a horse farmer if he's not in a universe that allows sentient creatures to be grown in fields?"
  16. Pure Guava
    June gloom? Get a room! Go boom-boom with your groom and fill your womb before the doom of being in a tomb looms.
  17. Pure Guava
    A tisket a tasket, a bunch of other weird old-timey words in a basket...
  18. Pure Guava
    Always wash your apples before eating, you never know which one was planted by Johnny Fappleseed.
  19. Pure Guava
    Dads and Grads are mad that Chad's ads for plaid pads for lads are clad with tads of Brad's sad nads.
  20. Pure Guava
    How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore and a Scotsman, dropped in the middle of a forgotten spot in the Caribbean by Providence, impoverished in squalor grow up to be a hero and a scholar? He probably gave a really nice BJ.
  21. Pure Guava
    FTFY
  22. Pure Guava

    #bajillion

    Pure Guava posted a topic in New Catchphrase Suggestions

    #bajillion
  23. Pure Guava
    Cooing and the rustle of feathers. This is what it sounds like when doves cry.
  24. Pure Guava
    Don't look a gift whore in the mouth, she's already been paid for, man, stop eyeballing her and just stick it in there already
  25. Pure Guava
    Never look a gift horse in the mouth because horses have eyes you know, just look there.
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