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Pure Guava

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Everything posted by Pure Guava

  1. Pure Guava
    "Pour Some Sugar On Me" was Def Leppard's 3rd greatest song about using ants as a torture method
  2. Pure Guava
    Water spinning backwards in Southern Hemisphere toilets is a myth, just like the myth that your parents ever loved you
  3. Pure Guava
    That's not a knife, this is a knife. That's not an arrest warrant, this is an arrest warrant. Those aren't handcuffs, these are handcuffs. That's not a jail cell, this is a jail cell.
  4. Pure Guava
    Throw another shrimp on the barbie. By "shrimp" I mean "koala" and by "barbie" I actually do mean "barbecue". I love me some barbecued koala ribs.
  5. Pure Guava
    Roses are red, violets are blue. This rhyming scheme is hack so go fuck yourself.
  6. Pure Guava
    The only bad discount I'm aware of is if you make fun of Dracula. Dis that Count and he'll probably bite you.
  7. Pure Guava
    Eat my ash
  8. Pure Guava
    word up yo
  9. Pure Guava
    David versus Goliath: The ultimate David versus Goliath story
  10. Pure Guava
    In school they called me the make-out king because I was the King of England and liked to make out with girls. My school was filled with a bunch of unimaginative twats.
  11. Pure Guava
    They call me mellow yellow, I'm addicted to tranquilizers and suffer from severe jaundice
  12. Pure Guava
    The Olympics are just like places in 1840's California with quartz vein matter accumulation: You gotta go for the gold.
  13. Pure Guava
    Every lotto winner finds out the hard way:Swimming in a pool full of Jell-O is a fly magnet.Stick to rolling around in a bed made of 100 dollar bills
  14. Pure Guava
    I like to read this catchphrase in Edmund Premington's (Bob Odenkirk's lion tamer character on Mr. Show) voice.
  15. Pure Guava
    Young Dr. Moreau soon tired of making froggy-doggies & moo-moo horsies and quickly moved on to more adult experimentation.
  16. Pure Guava
    Pull me apart, lemon tart, the desserts have won the war so I'll let you see my core
  17. Pure Guava
    Look at the little witchy. Look at the little widdle witchy wiggle. Look at the little widdle witchy wiggle as she burns alive.
  18. Pure Guava
    GOT
  19. Pure Guava
    Placing a shotgun inside a large cylinder full of fish and pulling the trigger repeatedly? That's like shooting fish in a barrel.
  20. Pure Guava
    Yo mama is so fat that I'm instantly smitten and would like to bury my face into those Rubenesque mounds of flesh until my dying day.
  21. Pure Guava
    This might be my worse one yet. All apologies to those who've had the misfortune of reading it.
  22. Pure Guava
    Khaleesi in rehab. Khaleesi always chasing the dragon. It is known.
  23. Pure Guava
    Buy Snoop's rhinestones for pizazzle and bedazzle dat azzle. WARNING: placing rhinestones inside the anus may cause severe hemorrhoids & anal leakage
  24. Pure Guava
    Metal
  25. Pure Guava
    My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, my milkshake is laced with highly advanced research pheromones designed for mind control
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