Pure Guava

The only thing to fear is fear itself. And automatic weapons. And nuclear war. And global warming. Oh man I'm fucking scared. Please hold me.

Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum? No wonder you don't remember where you buried the treasure. Cut back the sauce or we are getting another Captain.

9 out of 10 doctors agree Becky the new nurse should stop wearing so much perfume

Millennials don't own homes because they're too busy making wacky catchphrases! This is my 9-5, homie!!!

A cross-stitch in time bores nine. Sewing is lame.

The show where we talk about interesting sheep holes. Welcome to Farm-edy Gang Bang!

His dry wit was second only to his dry goods. Man that guy had a lot of merchandise.

A decade of raves and all I have to show for it is this glitter lung...

My middle name is Danger. Last name Field, first name Rodney. Nice to meet you. I'm a comedian, you may have heard of me? I don't get no respect?

Plants don't think rain on a wedding day is ironic, unless you think survival is ironic.

I came here to kick ass and chew bubblegum and I'm all out of bubblegum so could you lend me some bubblegum? I like to chew bubblegum while I kick ass.

I heard it through the grapevine for I am Dionysus, the God of wine, and grapevines are like telephones to me, ya dig?

Every cloud has a silver lining thanks to Johnny Nimbus, sky tailor.

Eyebrows are fur streaks.

The meek shall inherit the Earth on one condition: They have to spend one night in God's haunted mansion.

Batter up! Baby batter that is, right up yo momma to create a mini me. We'll be literal bros, bro!

Yes, and. Yes, and. Yes, and. Yes, and, Yes, and. Oh dear God he's stuck in an improv hole again, someone get the fire hose.

If you lay down with dogs, you get up with some fleas & perhaps a hybrid man-dog,depending if the dog in question is in heat & technology has advanced enough to allow inter-species breeding.

Jeremy spoke in class today. Because his book report was due. Nothing unusual about this at all, not sure why I even brought it up.

I am the Lizard King, I can do anything due to this government being an absolute monarchy which grants me supreme authority with no restrictions.

If you quit submitting catchphrases you are letting the terrorist win. Keep fighting the funny fight. Children are our future.

Do you think the schmuck in question is aware he's ruining this board for everyone or is he oblivious?

The smoothest whales swim in the Pacific Lotion

iPhone X, formerly known as iPhone Little, will only be available in black.