-
Content count
1089 -
Joined
-
Last visited
-
Days Won
1
Posts posted by Pure Guava
-
-
Poke-hontas taught the English settlers that fish could indeed be eaten raw
-
Like peanut butter on a horse's lips, you really move me
-
Gold Bondola powder keeps your balls dry as you row through Venice
-
-
Still waters run deep, Muddy Waters runs cheap. All Blues albums 40% off with coupon.
-
I'm very squeamish around deep wounds. Hashtag gash gag.
-
Just ONCE in my life I'd like to see the dead meat eat the vulture. Life can be so unfair. #millennialproblems
-
-
Unfortunately for her father, Lizzie Borden greatly misunderstood the term "life hacks"
-
Corpses with great looking teeth are the ultimate consolation prize. Thanks fluoride in tap water!
-
Little Jack Horner sat in a corner suffering from severe intestinal distress caused by eating produce without properly washing his disgusting thumb beforehand.
- 1
-
You know what they always say..."What good is a horse farmer if he's not in a universe that allows sentient creatures to be grown in fields?"
-
All my exes live in Texas. And of course by "exes" I mean "victims" and by "live" I mean "died by my own hands" and by "Texas" I mean "37 states and counting". You get the general idea.
- 1
-
June gloom? Get a room! Go boom-boom with your groom and fill your womb before the doom of being in a tomb looms.
-
A tisket a tasket, a bunch of other weird old-timey words in a basket...
-
Always wash your apples before eating, you never know which one was planted by Johnny Fappleseed.
-
Dads and Grads are mad that Chad's ads for plaid pads for lads are clad with tads of Brad's sad nads.
-
How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore and a Scotsman, dropped in the middle of a forgotten
spot in the Caribbean by Providence, impoverished in squalor
grow up to be a hero and a scholar? He probably gave a really nice BJ.
-
This made my 2017.
Â
Â
FTFY
- 4
-
#bajillion
-
Cooing and the rustle of feathers. This is what it sounds like when doves cry.
- 1
-
Don't look a gift whore in the mouth, she's already been paid for, man, stop eyeballing her and just stick it in there already
-
Never look a gift horse in the mouth because horses have eyes you know, just look there.
-
BWAH-BWAH-BWAH-BWEEEEENH
Momma always said if you can't say something nice then don't get out of bed, you are a worthless piece of human garbage & shouldn't be seen in public
in New Catchphrase Suggestions
Posted
Momma always said if you can't say something nice then don't get out of bed, you are a worthless piece of human garbage and shouldn't be seen in public.