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Posts posted by Pure Guava
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That's not a knife, this is a knife. That's not an arrest warrant, this is an arrest warrant. Those aren't handcuffs, these are handcuffs. That's not a jail cell, this is a jail cell.
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Throw another shrimp on the barbie. By "shrimp" I mean "koala" and by "barbie" I actually do mean "barbecue". I love me some barbecued koala ribs.
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Roses are red, violets are blue. This rhyming scheme is hack so go fuck yourself.
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The only bad discount I'm aware of is if you make fun of Dracula. Dis that Count and he'll probably bite you.
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David versus Goliath: The ultimate David versus Goliath story
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In school they called me the make-out king because I was the King of England and liked to make out with girls. My school was filled with a bunch of unimaginative twats.
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They call me mellow yellow, I'm addicted to tranquilizers and suffer from severe jaundice
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The Olympics are just like places in 1840's California with quartz vein matter accumulation: You gotta go for the gold.
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Every lotto winner finds out the hard way:Swimming in a pool full of Jell-O is a fly magnet.Stick to rolling around in a bed made of 100 dollar bills
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I like to read this catchphrase in Edmund Premington's (Bob Odenkirk's lion tamer character on Mr. Show) voice.
Â
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Young Dr. Moreau soon tired of making froggy-doggies & moo-moo horsies and quickly moved on to more adult experimentation.
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Pull me apart, lemon tart, the desserts have won the war so I'll let you see my core
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Look at the little witchy. Look at the little widdle witchy wiggle. Look at the little widdle witchy wiggle as she burns alive.
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Placing a shotgun inside a large cylinder full of fish and pulling the trigger repeatedly? That's like shooting fish in a barrel.
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Yo mama is so fat that I'm instantly smitten and would like to bury my face into those Rubenesque mounds of flesh until my dying day.
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This might be my worse one yet. All apologies to those who've had the misfortune of reading it.
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Khaleesi in rehab. Khaleesi always chasing the dragon. It is known.
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Buy Snoop's rhinestones for pizazzle and bedazzle dat azzle. WARNING: placing rhinestones inside the anus may cause severe hemorrhoids & anal leakage
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My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, my milkshake is laced with highly advanced research pheromones designed for mind control
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Water spinning backwards in Southern Hemisphere toilets is a myth, just like the myth that your parents ever loved you
in New Catchphrase Suggestions
Posted
Water spinning backwards in Southern Hemisphere toilets is a myth, just like the myth that your parents ever loved you