Pure Guava

Turn on porn all morn until my forlorn unshorn man thorn hurls unborn firstborn airborne, it caroms off a antique tricorn I won in Dearborn, dripping slowly onto the popcorn and buckthorn my prize pronghorn, The Hourne Supremacy, eats out of an old worn--

By Pure Guava, September 3, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

My laptop battery is at 1% so I have to hurry before it shuts off. This catchphrase is too funny to stop and find the cord I don't want to forget what

By Pure Guava, August 31, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Order Edamame? U know damn well Ed's mommy died 3 yrs ago you heartless bitch!You can't replace a mother's love w/money & a menu & why is there a waiter in-----ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...sorry about the bitch comment but U R technically heartless ROBOWIFE-2J9000

By Pure Guava, August 29, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

If you crash a cargo plane full of packages onto a deserted island you are going to have to get over your fear of box lunches. 'Twas a silly phobia to begin with & the glue in the cardboard has enough protein to keep you alive for at least a few weeks

By Pure Guava, August 29, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Killing two stoned bush is worth more with a hand on your bird before it hatches in glass houses. 

By Pure Guava, August 29, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

If you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all because you were supposed to study chapter 7 over the weekend which covers the words "anything" and "nice" please read at your desk quietly until you are caught up.

By Pure Guava, August 29, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Jaundice is for yellow-bellied cowards. Give me a man's disease like Bladder Fist any day.

By Pure Guava, August 28, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

A pickle & a mongoose walk into a bar, go up to the counter and ask the bartender for a drink, bartender stares at them with wide eyes, then clutches his chest and drops down dead. To see a pickle & a mongoose walk & talk were too much for his ol' ticker.

By Pure Guava, August 25, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Cornbread needs to stop being so scatterbrained and pick a lane already. You are either a vegetable or a grain, stop showing off, ambidexterity is still a sign of witchcraft in some parts of the world

By Pure Guava, August 20, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Hay is for horses. Haaaaaaayyyyyyyy is for Arthur Horse-erelli. 

By Pure Guava, August 17, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Snitches get stitches...in their torn clothing, which inevitably receive damage during the beatdowns their bitch asses deserve for being  rat finks, but nobody deserves to walk home with a hole in their jeans after getting their kneecaps shattered...

By Pure Guava, August 17, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

If you ever crack an egg and find a baby chicken inside consider yourself lucky because hey, at least you didn't screw up and buy a carton of snake eggs again

By Pure Guava, August 14, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

I bet the band Can decided on that name so they could get a good laugh by calling any band that opened for them the Can openers. Classic.

By Pure Guava, August 14, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

We already know you want to live with one, we know you could be happy the rest of your life with one, what we are asking is just what the fuck is a cinnamon girl?

By Pure Guava, August 14, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

• classic rock
• taco truck
• (and 13 more)

  Tagged with:

  • classic rock
  • taco truck
  • schindlers cyst
  • rick and morty porn parody
  • dr. funkenstein
  • car crash
  • helmets
  • helmuts
  • hellmans
  • chipmunk sex
  • oral herpes
  • neil fucking young
  • cinnamon the stripper
  • cinnamon the gum
  • gum is tree sharts

Crossing time zones too often will cause havoc on my poor mime bones. To calm down I make hand motions like I'm putting cones around a crime zone (to protect anyone from slipping on the bloody limestone), make a sitting motion (click to read more)

By Pure Guava, August 11, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Not much is known about 18th century pirate Bong John Silver, other than he seemed to have never strayed more than a mile or two from Jamaica in his ship, the Queen Anne's Reefervenge

By Pure Guava, August 10, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

All our food is deep fried in hemp oil. That's the Bong John Silver's guarantee

By Pure Guava, August 10, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Mossy wetlands weren't supposed to be a thing on Earth but on the 7th day God took too big of a hit, had a coughing fit and knocked over the bogwater

By Pure Guava, August 9, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Welcome to Hollywood Handbook, hotdog, what up what up

By Pure Guava, August 8, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

After nearly losing his life in Wonka’s plumbing , it’s no surprise Augustus Gloop’s obsession with golden tickets switched to golden showers practically overnight

By Pure Guava, August 8, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Giraffes would be more popular if they had a pair of big ol' pair of giraffe titties to stare at instead of that pulling out that boring old neck trick we've all seen a thousand times.

By Pure Guava, August 7, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Failure to launch? More like failure to squanch! Wubby looby blub blub my bros!

By Pure Guava, August 6, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Noun, verbs, adjectives? Quit trying to pin my words down like some dusty old moth in the Smithsonian. Instead, pin my wings down, that is how I'm most likely to escape this moth exhibit in the Smithsonian. 

By Pure Guava, August 6, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

Cokahauntas was a better translator and guide than her more famous sister but after three straight days & nights of non-stop chain smoking and chatting non-stop about buffalo both Lewis and Clark agreed it was time for her to leave the expedition

By Pure Guava, August 2, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions

One thing they never tell you about the rat race is how expensive rat steroids are, I ended spending a quarter million for a tiny gold medal, a hunk of cheese & a couple toothy BJ’s from a rat race groupie.

By Pure Guava, July 31, 2018 in New Catchphrase Suggestions