Jack Johnson P.I.

this image makes me physically ill

the more and more I think about them, the less and less I like about belly buttons. the fuck ya doin bro? lint isn't currency and you make my torso look like a surprised face.

I wish I was masturbating, my dick is so sad the only thing coming out of it is soulful tears. #sadoff2015 #keephydrated

You're right but I haven't been refreshing the page just for that, I refresh it because this forum is my only true form of validation and I really have no life. edit: just realized posting so immediately has confirmed my neuroses.

-mom dies -breast cancer -c. diff yeah, me too.

Jelloems, GHBoobies, whatever gets the job done. -Bill Cosby Bukowski edit: sorry for referencing another podcast, just couldn't resist making a topical joke about date rape.

The world is a vampire if you think about it in a Corgan way.

When I was in 6th grade my mom got me the complete Far Side set and I read every one of the comics at least twice. Today, the only one I can remember is this one, because it's my favorite.

Not to kill the joke, but isn't this phrase what they legitimately based their title on?

more like womanipulated, amirite?

The Force? idk, I like star track.

As someone who has changed his shitty name several times, I genuinely don't care about the MC_khaleezy switch-a-magoo (you do you galpal). I just wanted to interject my resentment to the world over the whole Ashleymadmen.com scandal. I got super drunk one night, spending several United States Dollars on intending to copulate with the attendees of the aforementioned webworld, and received no replies! Two days later, news breaks out that sadsacks like me are on the jamstand and then Uncle Sam is banging my door down for answers! Who cares if I sank twelve grand into naughty Nancy's who want to hook up all nonchalant, it shouldn't matter if I'm hiding "income tax" from "the IRS". I'm just trying to get my nut off, ya know? Anyway, thanks for reading guys. I hope you learn to open your beer or whatever. I prefer pop-tops.

Mr. Hands.

Brandon, it's Jack. We went to highschool together (remember shooting snot rockets at those dumbturds Tim Erns n' Diquon Ditions) I just wanted to know if you ever bucked Whitney Petrozzi after homecoming? get back at me on classmates.com bro Allyne, boxers or brief MMA fights?

You got hooked on phonics, too?

Fuck, I read the directions wrong. No wonder I'm not holding anymore sugar cubes and have issues opening bottle caps sometimes.

Anyone want to start a podcast with me? My idea is we watch an M. Night Shyamalan movie on mute while we play Breaking Bad audio over it. It'll be called "Shya Signs, Bitch!".

jesus, you're bringing up memories of the one sexual experience I can associate with a jar... I don't like this feeling.

Do they get razors on the island or something because this dude has less hair than naked mole rat Also #godblessSavage

Let me know when racism becomes a thing here. I was raised by two moms so the homophobia/sexism doesn't make me too comfortable, but I live in the south and feel like I'd thrive in a racially charged environment.

that's really goddam rude. How about, next time, before you post a comment like this: drink some ayahuasca, meditate about it, and find something more positive to vibe about on the forums. #namasdon't

maybe it was a mouse trap.

"Strict diet and exercise," Chris push-upped. Did I do it right?

Yeah, I'm a HotCop too. You gotta tell us. It's laws.