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JeroenWillemse

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About JeroenWillemse

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  1. JeroenWillemse

    2012 (2009)

    Don't ask me why, but I made the mistake of watching this movie yesterday. That is to say, I fell a sleep with a large chunk of the movie still to go and yet I had already been watching for over two hours. It's baffling how fast things go south - by the hour mark it feels like the movie should probably be ending soon, but it does not end for a long time. This movie isn't just long. It's also terrible. However. It could be the greatest movie ever made if it were remade shot-for-shot except with Earwolf people in the lead roles. I'm talking Scott Aukerman instead of John Cusack. Lauren Lapkus and Thomas Middleditch as his children. Andy Daly as Gordon, the Stepdad. Jason Mantzoukas as Woody Harrelson. Weird Al as both of the weird Russian kids. It could be really good.
  2. JeroenWillemse

    Episode 129.5 - Minisode 129.5

    I think it's pretty wild that Louise writes erotic friendfiction about Brad but then during the locker room scene she seems to look on disapprovingly as the other girls sing about liking boys. Either way, "I like boys" is a great song and that shot of the girls dancing under the hairdryers is genuinely a fun little well-choreographed dance.
  3. Have we talked about this yet? Good news, bad news? Are you looking forward more to "American Ninja Apprentice" or rather "U.S. Sniper"? Are we too aware of "bad movies" for this to be a positive? Will they actually accidentally make super great films? Will the podcast run forever? Thoughts?
  4. JeroenWillemse

    Episode 129.5 - Minisode 129.5

    I finally watched Teen Witch last night and loved it. The fashion in this movie is so crazy. Everything that's supposed to be "really dorky" looks amazing, and all the "cool outfits" Louise puts on when she's popular are disastrous. Additionally, Brad is a god-damn ten dollar bill and this movie is so disgustingly sexual. The main character is sixteen but the movie opens with a dream sequence of her dressed like a high-class prostitute. This movie is so much. It's amazing. "He's so funky" genuinely might also be the funniest line in cinema history.
  5. JeroenWillemse

    Episode 129 - The Apple: LIVE!

    I keep singing "Speed" and then inadvertently going into "Nowhere Fast" from Streets of Fire. "Pumping power, by the hour SPEEEEEEEED! Darling, darling, you and me, we're going nowhere slowly..." I find this very upsetting. The only conclusion I can draw is that Rick Moranis should have played Mr. Boogalow.
  6. JeroenWillemse

    Episode 129 - The Apple: LIVE!

    Also! CORRECTION: People are very quick to point out that Bibi and Alphie have a three year old child after only being away from the world for a year, but what Hippie Beard Man actually says is "she's been living here for over a year". It checks out perfectly. The real question is why it took BIM 'over a year' to find Bibi when these hippies were clearly just sitting around in a park all day. There's an earlier scene where BIM actually chases them out of the park, so they definitely know that's where they are. Did they wait for her to rack up "ten million dollars" in debt?
  7. JeroenWillemse

    Episode 129 - The Apple: LIVE!

    I knew I was in for something special when this movie started with a pastiche of the Eurovision Song Contest. As a European, it is without competition my favorite event of the year. Essentially, each country delegates an act to represent them and in the end, one country wins. Often the acts go to great lengths to be memorable, be it strange outfits or stage gimmicks. It makes a lot of sense for Israeli writers to use the contest as the setting for a story, as Israel had just won it two times in a row in 1978 and 1979. Why it was supposed to be Worldovision is a bit beyond me. You would think it has to do with Bibi and Alphie being from Moose Jaw and representing Canada at the contest. That's not necessarily true. You don't have to be from a country to represent it at the contest. In 1988, a little known singer from Canada won the Eurovision Song Contest singing for Switzerland. Her name was Céline Dion. The actual 1994 Eurovision Song Contest was won by Ireland, with a song by Paul Harrington and Charlie McGettigan called "the Rock and Roll Kids", a wistful, quiet song about the love for a simpler time with simpler music, not dissimilar to Alphie and Bibi's love song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGAfONwvVdU As for the question of where the movie takes place; according to the rules of Eurovision (and Worldovision by extension, one would assume), the contest would be hosted in the country that won in the previous year. So the real question is, who won Worldovision in 1993 and when are we getting that prequel?
  8. JeroenWillemse

    Episode 128 - Streets of Fire: LIVE!

    At the time of writing, this movie is rated a 6.7 on IMDB. Which means it has a higher rating than all of the following movies: Antichrist (also starring Dafoe) Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome Attack the Block Zoolander Freaky Friday Legally Blonde Mars Attacks! Weekend at Bernie's (feel the Bern) Fame Footloose Flashdance My Best Friend's Wedding My Big Fat Greek Wedding Mamma Mia! Pocahontas Teen Witch And many more.
  9. JeroenWillemse

    EPISODE 370 — The Brochelor

    what i'm baffled about is something that to me is so commonplace and such a basic flavor combination as chicken and applesauce being completely foreign and absurd to someone. i had never actually realized that it was such a specific belgian thing, i thought it was a general food thing. i had definitely not considered that it could be foreign to anyone
  10. JeroenWillemse

    EPISODE 370 — The Brochelor

    dear forum, i am very distraught due to this episode. the matter is such: is "chicken and applesauce" truly a foreign concept to america???? this literally baffles me and i have no idea how to process this? is this a bit? was paul on some sort of weird bit where the idea of "chicken and applesauce" was something he had NEVER EVEN HEARD OF and, even more so, DISPROVED OF INSTANTLY????? is this really not a thing in america? or in the rest of the world? because, like it's one of the staple dishes in the belgian cuisine. chicken, fries and applesauce. bingo. on the other hand, i am from belgium and am therefore an authority on the field of waffles. which is why i can say i have never understood how "chicken and waffles" works as a combination. how is that right? how can that work?
  11. Does anyone else remember the sitcom "Friends"? The situational comedy "Friends"? I feel like I'm the only person who ever watched the sitcom Friends. Matthew Perry was in it. Nobody?
  12. JeroenWillemse

    EPISODE 115 — Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

    Various observations humorous and otherwise (omissions): - What was Muniz' plan before the sharks attacked him? Was he heading for the self-destruct button on top of the van anyway, or did he just make that decision because a shark bit off his leg? Did Nova know what his plan was? If so, why is she so surprised when he blows up? If not, what did she think he was going to do instead? - The shark on the rollercoaster drove me insane. The shark slides down the track and by failing to make the loop it slides down again until it reaches the top of the lift hill. Of course, that would be impossible because the top of the lifthill is higher than the top of the loop. If the shark can make it back to the top of the lifthill, it should make the loop. - A guy runs past the sponsored NASCAR cars, trying to get in. He very clearly shouts "where are the keys", can't get in and gets eaten. Later on though, the main characters do get into the cars, without ever getting the keys to those cars. Why would you write that kind of set-up and then just gloss over it? - Why do these Sharknadoes never build up? Like, at all? These films cut from bright sunny day to violent Sharknado constantly. There is never a breeze and just one stray shark. When the Sharknado strikes, there are always immediately a hundred sharks flying everywhere through the sky. - When the Sharknahdo hits outside of Cape Canaveral, one of the officers in charge yells: "put yourself in front of the shuttle! Don't let any sharks hit it!" They're all standing on the ground. The sharks are coming from the sky.
  13. JeroenWillemse

    EPISODE 111 — Hercules in New York: LIVE!

    Every time I saw Pretzie on screen, I was instantly reminded of the turtle from Disney's Robin Hood. I was extatic to hear Jason compare Stang to a turtle. Some remarks that weren't touched on: After Hercules sees the poster for a Hercules-based movie and angrily takes off his shirt, did Hercules and the girl actually go inside the theatre? And if they did, was it to watch a movie or a play? I don't remember the exact line, but the girl definitely says something to the effect of "it's just a movie, you know, a play". Very confusing. However, I think the answer comes a few scenes later, when Hercules says: "There's a theatre on Broadway; there's a man who plays me so well they shower money on him." I can only assume that she actually went to a strip club with Hercules where a naked man danced and pretended to be Hercules. How many dates did Hercules and the girl go on? He takes off his clothes at the movie theatre and then in the next scene is wearing a completely different outfit. They get something to eat and in the next scene, he is yet again wearing a completely different outfit. Why were they on a continuous three-day date... and if it was their third date, why didn't it end in fucking? Speaking of, the woman who said this movie looked like a low budget porn was absolutely right. It's like you're constantly one scene away from porn, but it never actually comes. The scenes on Mount Olympus especially seemed like they were all going to end in one of the goddesses saying "but first let me suck your dick dry". Hera (or Juno, as this movie wants us to call Zeus' wife) has a line near the end where she's reflecting on the mortal world and says "It all sounds revoltingly noisy". LITERALLY with the noise of CARS DRIVING in the background. And finally, my favorite line, after Pretzie avoids just saying "money" for a full minute: "Bucks? Doe? What is this zoological talk of male and female animals?"
  14. JeroenWillemse

    Grease 2 (1982)

    I have to admit, Grease 2 is something of a guilty pleasure of mine. Even guiltier than the original Grease. I think I might even like it more than Grease. The only other movie that I have a similar reaction to is "Bring it On", you know, that cheerleading movie with Kirsten Dunst? Whenever I catch in on tv, I literally am unable to change the channel. Now, speaking of actual good cinema; Hair is definitely one of the best musical films ever made. I saw it again a few weeks ago and was surprised at how many iconic songs it contains ("Good Morning Starshine", the titular "Hair", "Let the Sunshine In", and so on). It's a very special thing, though I've always had a thing for musical films. Little Shop of Horrors is perhaps my favorite film of all time and I will never say no to watching the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Then again, I'm also an avid defender of the Legally Blonde musical. These are things for which I feel no guilt. My love for musicals definitely knows some bounds - I draw the line at Phantom of the Opera, which is an abysmal show even on the stage and an even worse film.
  15. JeroenWillemse

    Which Movies Does HDTGM Absolutely Need To Review?

    I concur. Put Oedipus Ascending on the watch list while it's still in theatres, please. This movie is BONKERS.
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