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Cameron H.

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Posts posted by Cameron H.

  1. Posted

     

     

    FORUM GAME!

     

    "Then the soldier says, "No, no, buddy, she didn't have a head!"

     

     

     

    Recently I took a day trip out to rural New York when I bumped into a very harried looking soldier carrying a half empty grocery bag. He said, "Excuse me, sir, I'm on leave from the army and visiting my parents and I really wanted to make them a very special dinner tonight, the only thing is, I'm missing one very important ingredient to make the salad--namely the lettuce."

     

    I replied to the soldier, "Honestly, I'm not from the area, but have you tried across the street?" And I point across the avenue to a little mom and pop place called "Sleepy Hollow Grocery and Produce."

     

    Sadly, he shook his head. "I asked the young lady that works there and she said they don't carry lettuce."

     

    Shocked, I replied, "That's ridiculous! It's a grocery store! Surely, they must have lettuce?"

     

    [And] then the soldier says, "No. no, buddy, she didn't have a head."

    • Like 5

  2. Posted

     

    The "She didn't have a head" punchline, I think the setup is an awful joke I heard when I was a teenager about a guy bragging about finding a girl tied up on the train tracks and having his way with her.

     

     

    Yeah, I know.

    ugh.gif

     

    Colin_Farrel-Disgusted.gif

     

    Ewwww.....that is really disappointing (but, given the movie, not totally unexpected). However, I am confident that we can appropriate it and make it something better!

     

     

    Thanks, Firsttimecaller for the clips!

     

     

     

    FORUM GAME!

     

    Given the punchlines below, write a start to each joke/anecdote that makes them either make sense or funny. I'm confident we can do this!

     

    "Then the soldier says, "No, no, buddy, she didn't have a head!"

     

    and

     

    "...and the closer I get to this car, the smell is getting stronger and stronger. And I walk up to the guy's window, [he] rolls down the window, I look and on the passenger seat is his dead dog!"

    • Like 2

  3. Posted

     

     

    speaking of drinking .. the scene where we see garrett pull upto claires place and then we see garrett and claire come in the door when we kinda hear garrett crack one of those stupid jokes ... this is the punchline ..

     

    293d2bn.jpg

     

    i dont want to know the start of the joke .. but anyway. after they come in they end up kissing but she pushes him away saying shes not ready blah blah blah and he agrees to slow things down but instead of leaving he wipes some sweat off his forehead and says "i think ive had one too many". claire giggles and garrett asks "can i crash on the couch?"

     

    maybe its an in-joke between them or something but if he's too drunk to drive home to his own place then surely he was too drunk to drive to claires house with claire in the passenger seat? ... not only is he putting their lives at risk but also every other poor sod that happened to be in their path ... and she laughed about it? ... everyone in this movie is an asshole!

     

    You beat me to it! I was 100% going to bring that up!

     

    Also, if you can pull up the "dead dog" joke as well, I was going to suggest a forum game where we try to fill in what could have possibly been the set up to those jokes/anecdotes.

    • Like 1

  4. Posted

    I would like to talk a little bit more about Claire's sobriety in the movie--specifically as it relates to her decision to have sex with Noah.

     

    Although the movie makes an attempt to indicate otherwise, I find it really hard to believe that she was so drunk in that moment and that she didn't know what she was doing. The scene starts with her in her house drinking some wine, we don't really know how much she's drunk, but she's holding the bottle so I think it's safe to assume she's drank less than one bottle. Next, Noah calls her on the phone because he's having chicken related issues.* So, she comes over, cooks an entire chicken (which takes some time), and then eats it with him! Based on the fact that her starting sobriety was at a level that she was able to do that, plus the time it would take to cook and eat, I don't understand how she can wake up the next morning with a "what happened last night?" look on her face. I think it was just another way for this movie to justify her decisions, but ends up just looking dumb. She's an adult woman, currently separated from her husband who engages in consensual sex with another adult. Why does movie feel the need to keep making excuses for her? Although I knew the movie would eventually go sideways, there's no reason for her not to hook up with a sexy younger guy. The movie doesn't need to apologize for her actions!

     

    ETA: Just in case what I wrote gets misunderstood, I'm not saying another person can always judge how drunk someone may or may not be. I'm just saying this movie seemed to be trying to play it both ways. If they wanted her to be drunk in the moment, then they needed to show that and make it clear through acting and storytelling. And if they wanted to show her making this decision sober, then that should have been clear as well.

     

    *How did he even get her cell number? Was he like, "Yo, Kevin--let me get your mom's digits?" Also, he calls her because he tried "defrosting" a chicken, but half of it is still frozen and he wants to know if he can eat the defrosted parts. Look, I get this is just a ruse to get her to come over, but seriously, the answer is unequivocally "no!" You just defrosted the chicken, dude. You still have to cook it! This should have definitely been a red flag to Claire that this "kid" wasn't all there.

    • Like 2

  5. Posted

    As Paul said on the show, this is a movie about poor judgement, and he's absolutely right, but there is one moment in the movie where J Lo's poor judgement is totally unforgivable. At the end of the movie, J Lo calls Kristin Chenoweth and Noah plays a recorded message that ends ends with Chenoweth screaming. At this point, she has destroyed all the files on his computer and he is holding her friend hostage, there is absolutely no reason for her to not call the police. What bad thing could possibly happen to her if she does? Even though she doesn't know that Chenoweth is already dead, she does know that she's being held captive. So, if she calls the police and they go out to the house, they are going to find the murdered body of her friend and her son and estranged husband being held hostage by a crazy psychopath. She's destroyed the evidence of their hookup at this point! Do you really think, when they see the grisly remains of her friend, the police are going to believe anything Noah tells them? She is all but in the clear, all she has to do is not go to that fucking house!

     

    Also, when she does go to the house and discovers Chenoweth's body, it would probably be a good idea that when she runs out and gets into her car, that she maybe locks the goddamn door and drives away before she tries to FINALLY call the police.

    • Like 5

  6. Posted

    i found a blog where someone reads scripts that are floating around hollywood. the author reviewd the script for this back in november 2011. they give a few details about it and noah was indeed supposed to be 17. i really think this little detail would have made the whole thing more interesting.

     

    but i was wondering why they changed his age at all ... was it a studio thing, did they not want to have a sexual thriller thing with someone who was underage. or maybe Jlo didnt want to be seen to have a sex scene with an underaged boy. or maybe they hired guzman and someone pointed out he did not look like he was 17 ... maybe blake can find out ...

     

    The only way this movie could make any sense is if he is underage. The weird thing is, they did age the characters up, but didn't change all of the lines. When J Lo is explaining where "The Wiz" nickname came from (Which, by the way, if I was a shy, bullied teen and my mother ever told that story to a potential new friend...that would be mortifying. Completely inappropriate!) she says that it happened because three years ago he got stung by a bee "on the playground!" Her son is at least sixteen! So...at at least thirteen he was still playing on the playground? That's almost as embarrassing as your mom telling ever stranger she meets that you peed yourself. The only way I could rationalize it is both of the boys had been aged up from an earlier draft that cast them younger.

     

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    I'm watching the movie right now but the scene with the Iliad was so ridiculous I had to stop and find out how much a first edition would be, thinking they would not exist. I was wrong, It does exist, but it's OVER 130 YEARS OLD. Also, the actual book price (plus $4 shipping) is $1,235.64 MORE that the film's ridiculous price of "A buck at a garage sale"

     

    The funniest part of that is that it makes a point of saying that it's "used."

    • Like 7

  8. Posted

    I'd like to say a little bit about the faculty at the school, but before I do, there are two different scenes in J Lo's classroom, but aren't they in two totally different rooms? I may be misremembering, but when the Principal tries to unlock the door, the entrance is on the outside of the building; but earlier in the movie, when she leaves the class to ask why Noah's in there, doesn't she exit into a hallway? I guess there could be two different entrances into the same classroom, but in my recollection, even the interiors of the classrooms don't match up...

     

    Anyway, back to the school...

     

    When J Lo is introducing herself to the class and telling them that they will be studying The Illiad (don't you feel like they really wanted to do Oedipus Rex?), she is interrupted when Noah is introduced to the class. She runs out of the class and asks what's going on and is told that she requested him to be in there because he would be "an asset to the class." First of all, he's there as a Goddamn student! What the fuck are you even talking about that he'll be "an asset to the class?" He's not going to be a teacher's aid; he's there to learn! I highly doubt that students are placed in their respective classes like they're in a fucking sports draft.

     

    Secondly, is this movie now telling me that this (undoubtedly) bright, twenty year old high school Senior is going to be held back a grade just because a teacher says she wants him around? Get out of here with that shit!

     

    Then, in the next classroom scene, the principal tells her he needs to speak to her outside. He then comments on her recent odd behavior and that the janitor saw her with Noah in the gym. Prior to this moment, what exactly has been her odd behavior? Is it because she seemed to have no recollection of requesting a student to be in her class or is it because she was caught in a weird moment with that student in the gym? Because, up to that point, those are the only (kind of) weird things that have happened. I certainly wouldn't define either of those incidents--involving an otherwise reliable and stable teacher--as being too concerning, and if they were, they should have spoken to her a lot sooner. Other than those two semi-weird moments, what else has she done? I wouldn't say that she's acting particularly erratic, at least, not enough to classify her behavior as being "odd."

     

    But, I guess that's how it goes at good old "John" Monroe High School...I wonder which John Monroe they named it after? Do you think it was the Irish lawyer, the Civil War era mayor of New Orleans, the former Canadian speed skater, or Major League baseball player? I mean, it can't be that they meant President JAMES Monroe! Jesus Christ, Hollywood! Give me a freaking job! I promise you, your movies will be 100% less stupid.

    • Like 6

  11. Posted

     

    Maybe The Wiz is very fond of JLo's cookies and she always had them around the house. If she suddenly took them away, The Wiz would be suspicious, no? Besides, with JLo always dropping pies on the floor, having emergency desserts on hand is smart.

    And maybe she wants Corbett to know that she knows.

     

    Maybe...if she wasn't also eating them by herself. If my S.O. cheated on me with someone she said smelled like waffles, I sure as shit wouldn't be rushing to my local supermarket anytime soon to get a whole bunch of Eggos to eat by myself.

    • Like 3

  12. Posted

    So, brake lines. This always bothers me in movies. If brake lines were cut enough to actually cause brakes to fail, there would be a huge puddle of brake fluid that would be 100% obvious. Also, when starting the car, wouldn't the lack of brake pressure be immediately noticeable? Like, when you change out brake pads, you have to compress the brake piston, which pushes the fluid up the brake line and back into the master cylinder. When you first get in your car after that, the brake feels like it has no tension. You pump the pedal a couple times, and the fluid runs back down the line, and you can feel the tension return to the brakes. I would assume getting in a car with no brake fluid would be almost the same thing.

     

    Also, modern cars have a hydraulic emergency brake that's completely separate from the main brakes, so even if your brakes fail, you can use the emergency brake. Additionally, most people know (at least, I hope they do) that if your brakes fail, you should downshift to a lower gear and basically let your car slow itself down.

     

    Basically, I'm not saying that it's infeasible for failing brakes to kill someone; it just seems like a really shitty plan to murder someone because you're relying on them missing all of the cues that their brakes aren't working and then not knowing how to react in the situation.

     

    However, all of this reminds me of another movie that would be a really great HDTGM film: 2001's The Glass House. Cutting brake lines factors heavily into the plot of that ridiculous mess, too (and it has Stellar Skateboard in it!).

     

    Alright, Dom--we get it; you know cars!

     

    Fast-and-Furious-gif-9.gif

     

    But, to be fair to the movie (why would I ever do that?), he says he can't down shift and they do ultimately stop by pulling the emergency brake.

    • Like 6

  13. Posted

    As a little forewarning, I have A LOT to say about this movie. I'll try not to blow up the boards and give everyone a chance to post their thoughts, but it's gonna be real tough to sit back...

     

    They mentioned in the episode that J Lo is always making (and sniffing) cookies, but considering her marital issues--and the fact that somehow he let an email get out that described his mistress smelled like cookies--why would J Lo EVER have chocolate chip cookies in her house? Based on the situation, you would think you would lose all appetite for that particular food and you would definitely not have them on hand, nor serve, them to your philandering husband. Why would serve a food that can only evoke in him the memory of his mistress?

     

    C'mon, J Lo! Have some self-respect!

    • Like 6

  14. Posted

    Great episode!

     

    They touched on it briefly in the episode, but when J Lo does her best Sam Spade impression over in San Bernandino, not only do they have the car available to view, but the detective tells her that he remembers that specific accident! I mean, I guess it would be reasonable to think that maybe there was something unusual about the accident (as it stands out in his memory out of the hundreds of car accidents he probably investigates every year) and J Lo seems to think so too since she asks him about the brakes on the vehicle. At which point, the detective straight up LAUGHS IN HER FACE, and says, "Oh, no. Nothing unusual. He had a history of DUI's..."

     

    So...you're telling me that this detective remembers an accident, and all the relevant details, from a crash that occurred over a year ago?!?

     

    Detective: "Oh, you mean that average, run-of-the-mill accident that happened a year ago that gave us no reason to suspect foul play? Of course I know everything about that incident! Please, ma'am, step right this way..."

    • Like 6

  15. Posted

    I've never seen "The Guest" and never heard of Dan Stevens, but based on the pictures from the movie I googled, he looks like a mashup of Bradley Cooper and Paul Walker.

     

    Dan-Stevens-saying-Crikey-as-Matthew-Crawley-on-Downton-Abbey-GIF.gif

     

    Hey, Amy-I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life or anything, but you really need to get down with some Downton Abbey.

     

    Sorry, I've been MIA today, I've been extremely busy and didn't have too much to add to the whole GoT conversation (I gave up on it after Season 3), but I did manage to fill a large (and glaring) cinematic void in my life this morning when I finally got around to watching Glengarry Glen Ross. All I've ever seen was the Alec Baldwin "

    " scene, but wow, the rest of the movie is just as amazing. It was like a real, "Oh, this is what great writing looks like..."
    • Like 5

  16. Posted

    Why does Earwolf show you my first post but not me!? *Flips table*

     

    I'm sure if was super dumb and embarrassing so why the hell not lol.

     

    To be fair, it doesn't. I just did what I did for mine--which was pull up the comments for that episode and I compared the time stamp of your post with your "member since" date. Like mine, they were only a week or so apart so I doubt you posted anything earlier than that.

     

    Anyway, here you go!

     

    I know that this episode is done but just in case Paul ever sees this I really need to get this out there.

     

    They mentioned a lot of super creepy molestation innuendos throughout the movie and then Eugene Levy's odd fascination with Lewis Carroll. Now they just thought that his mentioning the author was just because he wanted to be famous like him after he wrote the three children's books. But I think it ties in more with the creepy molestation crap. Lewis Carroll was a known perv. He had an odd relationship with the little girl that had inspired Alice in Wonderland that her parents were very uncomfortable with. And then he took many many pictures of children, some of them even in the nude. I have more of a feeling that Eugene Levy's character was way more into kids than they wanted us to believe.

     

    (Source: I minored in art history and studied the history of photography my last semester. So we delved into creepy photographers like Carroll.)

     

    ETA: At least you didn't name drop "Bobby McFerrin" amidst a sea of terrible word play.

    • Like 2

  17. Posted

    Im too embarrassed.

     

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    Unfortunately it's telling me it can't go past a year ago and I've been on the boards longer than that. So I have no idea what my first post really was.

     

    I think it was about Lewis Carrol references in Gooby though.

     

    I found it, but I won't post it without your permission.

    • Like 3

  18. Posted

    I like the way you talk movies. I agree that what Dragonheart does well is established the loneliness and anger of what it must be like to be the last of one's kind, and in a manner digestible for the film's target audience. There's a lot of great myth-making groundwork here, what with the Dragons having a soul-connection with humans, an ancient race returning to the stars, etc. Good stuff hidden amongst some very clumsy CGI and terribly choreographed fight sequences.

     

    I just think Quaid's years-long murder-spree undermines his own story and the sympathy the viewer might have for him, as well as the eventual friendship he would establish with Draco. I also think it undermines the humor that could derive from Pete Postlethwaite's (oh, I love him) traveling poet-monk character since it would be easier to believe this lovable bumbling sidekick would start writing adoring and naive Knight Errant poetry about Quiad if he wasn't constantly spearing to death these beautiful, endangered sentient beings. Though... actual knights of the Middle Ages were more like Game of Thrones characters than anybody exhorting the virtues of the "Old Code."

     

    I just think the film would have worked better if Quaid became a bitter bum, wandering around the countryside, babbling about his hatred for dragons (creatures that had all but disappeared, just as rare a being as a knight who follows the Old Code) rather than killing them. If Draco was already the last dragon without Quaid's search-and-destroy efforts, his anger wouldn't even have a face to focus on. He would be useless until, with the help of Postlethwaite and Draco, he put aside his anger just as Draco must in order to do some last bit of good before all their kinds go extinct.

     

    And yes, I know I am critically analyzing fucking DragonHeart... but I just love talking about movies! I'm a big fucking nerd, what can I say?

     

    First of all, Thank You for the compliment :)

     

    Yeah, even after I wrote my response I was like, "Is Dennis Quaid likeable in this?" But I like where your head is at. I guess they were hoping to make him a more sympathetic character rather than a likeable one. But, with what you wrote, they could have probably have had both.

     

    The more I think about it, the more I feel like it's a tough nut to crack. Originally, I was going to say why not just make Quaid a knight under a despotic king who urges his men to attack a random dragon (like, for sport or bragging rights), Quaid says this is a bad idea, but is ordered to go through with it anyway. Then, in the ensuing melee--and in self-defense--the dragon burns down a village full of innocents--maybe even Quaid's family dies as a result. This would lead directly into your story of him being this bum, mercenary knight and give his character a reason to hate both the king and dragons while still preserving himself and the dragon as a virtuous characters. Plus, it would give him a reason not to hunt the dragons outright since he is aware of the collateral damage that action might cause. The only problem with that is that it would excise the whole idea of the only way to kill the king is to kill the last dragon, which is an important plot element and poses a kind of Prisoner's Dilemma for the protagonists. Although, as a possible solution, maybe instead of a literal dragon heart, maybe you re-write it so that the king's surname is "Dragonheart." Then there could be a legend that, long ago, one of the king's forefathers got a blood transplant or something from a friendly dragon, and as a result, the bloodline of the two are inextricably linked and the "Dragonheart" line will only survive as long as dragons still exist. The king knows of this legend, but thinks it is just that: a legend. However, when he injures the last dragon (Sho'Nuff) he comes to realize that maybe their fates are intertwined. This way, the onus of the whole dragon murdering business is placed squarely on the shoulders of the king--instead of Quaid--making him the instrument of his own destruction. Fuck, Quasar! I think you and I need to re-boot this sucker.

     

    Also, I agree with you about Postlethwaite. He was so damn good in this movie and I was really disappointed when his character disappeared for a good chunk of it. I would like it, if in our movie, this character meets Quaid in a tavern or something and just sort of tags along with this bum knight thinking he's going to be witness to feats of valor and chivalry, only to be heart-broken to see it's not like that at all. But as the conscience of the movie, and through his paeans of praise for the knights from the Old Times, he helps Quaid realize the goodness that he already possesses and encourages him to turn his life around and be a true Knight of the Code.

    • Like 2

  19. Posted

    I know I've already thrown out a game idea earlier, but in honor of the idea of "ridiculous first editions of classic works of literature," I thought it might be fun to re-post all of our first forum posts just to see how far we've come. What I want to see is everyone's first forum post that's in response to a movie or mini-episode they've done (i.e. not a question to Paul or "favorite guest" type post).

     

    Here was mine:

     

    So, here's what I want: Paul, June, and Jason writing Sharknado 3: Yup, again...scored completely by Koch Blockerman and Bobby McFerrin doing 60's surf rock covers. I wouldn't call it a deal breaker, but I would also very much like Aukerman and McFerrin's supergroup to be called Scat-illogical.

     

    I am open to other movie titles or alternate names for the Aukerman/McFerrin combo....

     

    (Honestly, I don't know how much I've grown since I still stand by every last word of that post 100%.)

    • Like 3

  23. Posted

    I actually started watching Dragonheart and my hesitancy over this movie being HDTGM-worthy were instantly assuaged. Before the opening credits are half over, there is some legit Accent Schizophrenia between Dennis Quad doing no accent, English actors being English, and American actors attempting some awful whateverthefuck accents they think are English. Plus, the first meeting between Sean Connery's CGI Dragon and FUCKING GENOCIDAL MANIAC Dennis Quad is rife with physical comedy gags and jokes about dragon drool. Just the tone you want to hit when the last member of a species meets the man responsible for murdering everything he loves.

     

    So.... bring back Dragonheart?

     

    While I get what you're saying, I don't know if the kind of gravitas you're talking about would have been appropriate in a children's film. Certainly the idea of the last of one's species facing off against the prime architect of that genocide is an interesting concept, but I think it was more important for this movie to keep it light, show that they were evenly matched, and ultimately (as co-stars of the movie), likeable as characters. And without getting too dark, I think the film got across the tragedy of being the last dragon in a way that would resonate with kids without tipping into grim and dour territory.

     

    But I do agree that they maybe should have just done it. I would have liked to see what they do with a movie that they might not have a lot to say about (or maybe even liked?) if for no other reason than to see them rise to that challenge--kind of like what Rifftrax did with Casablanca and The Wizard of Oz. I kind of feel like it was a missed opportunity to do something different, and as I've also said before, I don't like the idea of them changing the movie due to audience disapproval--if that was in fact the real reason. Not only does it set a kind of shitty precedent (every movie is going to be someone's favorite movie) but they've done plenty of movies that I personal enjoy and their skewering of them has never changed my opinion at all. If anything, it just makes me love those movies more.

    • Like 2

  24. Posted

     

    I am in Tucker and lucky me my local Publix redbox stocks bad movies apparently. When I was at the redbox site I did find that it looked like more locations carried the blu ray than the DVD if that helps you any.

     

    If you have a Blu-Ray player make sure you search for that. I can't find DVDs anywhere near me but 3 places have a Blu-Ray disc. (Now to see if you're willing to drive up to Delaware to get it. :P )

     

     

    I didn't see these posts until I was well on my way and it does look like it was available in BluRay where I started out (Peachtree City), but those cost .50 cents more, so...

     

    But, I'm happy to say, not only have I successfully used Redbox for the first (and hopefully last) time, but I apparently got the last copy. So suck it, Douglasville!

     

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    • Like 4

  25. Posted

     

    Same boat. I was shocked no one is digitally renting it. No way I am going to buy it and end up on some kind of watchlist so I am redboxing for the first time in my life. I am sure Paul and the gang will feel our struggle (via the normal psychic channels) and pour their heart and soul into this episode.

     

    Excuse me for a second, everyone else, Atlanta talk...

     

    Did you find a Redbox location that has it? So far, the only places in our area have been the Walmart on Howell Mill Rd (which, fuck that) and a place in Douglasville. So...I guess I'm off to Douglasville and hope my work doesn't ask too many questions as to what I'm up to :)

    • Like 1
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