Elektra Boogaloo

The second opinion song was really great this week. I love Carl Weathers. I want to talk to the guy who works with him more.

Has anyone found any psychology magazine articles about strip clubs in the 80s. I searched Psychology Today and didn't find anything that old.

They LITERALLY did not. Also I have started petition in ng the HDTGM Twitter to redo this movie with Nicole Byer so she can get a dick update.

I loved both of Tawny's recent appearances. She is great. I was angered to see people on Twitter accused her of "shrieking" during this episode. Jason was for real shrieking and she just just trying to get a word in. LOL

IMPORTANT I asked Jen on Twitter what her dog's Instagram is and it is Mr_walnut. This fucker is damn cute and deserves a bark box.

Jason requests stats on the effectiveness of diaphragms. Planned Parenthood says they are about 88% effective. But what I am curious about now is why the diaphragm has Kirstie Alley's voice. It is not a part of her or from her. The egg should have her voice. The diaphragm should be, like, Dr. Ruth or someone.

It's funny how I always manage to repress the fraud in 80s and 90s movies. I guess I am worried that Mikey has all these thoughts and he's never able to actually express them. Like there is some kind of block between his mind and, well, the actor playing the rest of him. It's a hellscape nightmare.

Fuck yeah. Get an anecdote.

I haven't seen this movie since I was young. I remember not liking it. But I am in the middle of the podcast and I want to ask you guys if I am remembering the FIRST movie correctly. As I recall, Mikey talks in Bruce Willis's voice, yes. George Segal is the bio dad and he's a real douchebag. He is her boss, was already married and Kirstie Alley thought he would leave his wife but he doesn't and she later finds out he has other women on the side as well. John Travolta develops and inexplicable relationship after the baby is born in his cab (or after he drives her to the hospital?) Then he becomes Mikey's babysitter, right? So he takes care of the kid. Which is how he bonds with Mikey and slowly falls in love with Kirstie Alley, right? (But they immediate have problems in this one? After all that build up?) Then she randomly becomes obsessed with Mikey needing a dad. Mikey meets George and thinks he's a douchebag. There is a scene where they wreck his office (I remember Mikey being like, "yeah let's trash the place!") And the end is Mikey is in jeopardy somehow and John Travolta saves him at which point Mikey utters his first REAL word when he calls him "Dada." I would think that after Mikey speaks for REAL, he would stop having the inner monologue? Wasn't it supposed to express his feelings when he can't actually speak? So why not just have Roseanne do the voice of the new kid? And maybe have Bruce Willis do a baby voice? I don't get it.

Confession. I did not watch this movie. I read the book so I don't feel like I need to suffer twice. Do they really go to the Carroll Gardens zoo in the movie? That makes no sense. Carroll Garden is really small and there is a zoo in Prospect Park. You'd just have to go through one neighborhood (Park Slope) and the park itself and you're there. Google maps says it's 2.5 miles driving. ETA: I thik that woman is dressed as Dorothy from the WIZARD OF OZ not Belle.

Can we name the band Kinkshaming Dolphins?

I'm worried about you, Katie. You in danger, girl. I'm also highly amused that our dolphin shaming made it to the mini-episode.

Well if your dolphin patronus is FEMALE, Taylor Anne, I bet it's cool? Most of the dolphins who played "Flipper" were female. I bet they never had dicks out. I quote wikipedia: "Female dolphins were chosen because they are less aggressive than males and their skins (unlike the skins of male dolphins) are usually free from scars and other disfigurations acquired in altercations with other dolphins, making it easier to have them pass for the identical "Flipper". As for if a dolphin can really "rape" another dolphin. It's possible the some of the females have evolved to want a gang bang? Who knows. I don't want to slut shame female dolphins. I have however read of male dolphins raping whales? like through the blow hole? And that's how they breathe so, like, it could be dangerous? (Male dolphins have also tried this with other male dolphins--see Ricky Gervais' comedy.) It's not just humans. And the inter-species stuff is freaky to me.

It's so funny that you guys are talking about dolphin rape. They always have their dicks out. (A friend of mine once showed us a "cute" picture of her at a dolphin encounter and my coworker and I were like, "... there's it's dick right there.") I was actually thinking the other day it's a shame Hollywood always does shark movies and then people are afraid of them because they should be afraid of dolphins. We should write a movie where some evil company puts, like, Viagra juice in the water and the dolphins just rape swimmers. I'd rather a shark bite my leg off. It's usually an accident. And even if it did want to eat my leg, at least the leg is going to good use.

So Rainn Wilson was evil from the jump? Because he gave money for bullshit stuff but not for child care? I agree with Muttnik that the Meg must be inbred as hell. Google search tells me the average shark lives for about 30 years, but the longest lived was about 275 years. The species megalodon disappeared from known science about 2.3 million years ago. Even if they *all* live 200 years (and I'm not even sure if it's the big ones that live longer), that family tree is becoming more of a shrub every 30 years or so. That's thousands of generations. I guess what bothers me about the secret habitat scenario is that there was no attempt to imagine how it might have adapted in those 2 million years. Like what if it had become transparent and the humans couldn't see it or something? I'm just spitballing here. They didn't even really use the powerful jaws of the megalodon in a cool way. I agree with all of you that it should've bit through that helicopter, like one of those flying sharks in South Africa. Because apparently megalodon could eat through bone. So let's see it bite through some shit! I wanted more stuff snapped in half, I think. The Meg really just behaved like a movie shark (that is a shark that goes after humans as usual prey, not one that only bites humans on accident or in extreme situations like real sharks). I'd like to have seen it go after, like cruise ships or maybe some marine life they kept at the research station. Maybe the little girl could've been friends with one of those whales and watch it get eaten.

Long post. Too many thoughts. I tried to bullet them for those that don't care. -- Nicole was right. He did sing "just keep swimming" I know because I laughed out loud for a long time. I think that was an improv from Statham. There's no way it was in the script. Also I would pay to watch movies with Nicole shouting about people fucking from a loud speaker. I think Alamo Drafthouse should get on this. -- Was anyone else UPSET that a lot of the extra characters (Ruby Rose, Mack, the dumb dog) didn't die? I thought Statham, Li Bingbing and the little girl would be the only survivors. I mean, I guess I'm glad the black guy didn't die because that would be more racist. (And I feel like the script was super racist with him always being scared of stuff and the actor had to WORK to make it, like, even acceptable.) -- Jason mentioned an episode of Blue Earth that I should watch. Because I was confused about the Meg's habitat and behavior. I thought at the beginning that it HATED the lights because he's used to swimming in darkness (so far away from the surface). So then I thought they'd like, shine bright lights in its eyes at the end to blind it or something. But no, it swims to the surface and is JUST FINE chasing swimmers. Shouldn't it be VERY confused in a setting with light? -- Then I thought maybe its PREY is bio luminescent and it's ATTRACTED to lights which would explain why it would go to the surface anyway. But then shouldn't it be thinking anything bright is food and dark swimming figures AREN'T? -- And then I went into a hole of wondering what Megalodon's prey actually was. Wikipedia says whales and sea turtles and stuff. Which lines up with the shark going for the whale sounds at the end. But then I thought, so are there whales down in the Marianas trench? If so, how do they BREATHE? Whales are mammals. They can't stay below the surface forever. Which made me think there can't be whales in the Marianas trench, which made me wonder why the Megalodon even knows what a whale song sounds like. -- I was also confused about how Statham was fine at the end of the film. I've seen Shark Week. I like the ones about people who survive shark attacks. I've seen people get injuries from punching sharks because the skin is sandpapery and abrasive. So shouldn't he be shredded just from touching it? And if it has such force, how did bones not break like he was hit by a car? I had more problems with that than him being able to kill it by shoving the spear into the eye because the brain must be behind the eye. -- I hated Ruby Rose's hair. I liked the little girl's hair though. I wanted those wings. Where can I get them? -- I didn't know Statham was a diver but I did think he had good form when he dove into the water off the boat (usually actors look stupid diving). So that adds up. -- Oh-- another swimmer thing. I remember reading, one of those RL Stine books as a kid where the main character escapes a shark by swimming with little splash (sharks are attracted to the splashing because they eat seals--although I don't know why a Megalodon would know what splashing sounds like at all if it's never near the surface?) So when I would do lap swim growing up and someone had a very splash-y kick (bad form) I would tell them they'd get eaten by a shark and they never knew what I was talking about. But, long story short, the BREAST STROKE is the least splashy of the typical strokes and I've read survival guides that suggest it for escaping sharks. I was really annoyed that they were all swimming crawl/freestyle. That is faster but way more splash and they were distinctly told to swim SLOWER with careful movements. Some shark experts.

I am super excited about this episode! The movie! The guests! I am about to start it. But last night when I couldn't sleep (insomnia, don't have it). I wrote what I thought was a more scientifically accurate opening for the movie. I thought I would share. AHEM A Garfield phone rings. JASON STATHAM: Hello? BETTY WHITE: Statham? It's Betty White. You know how I have a sanctuary for prehistoric animals at my farm? STATHAM: I've seen LAKE PLACID; I am up to speed. BETTY WHITE: Well that fucker Rainn Wilson stole my Megalodon. STATHAM: What? Why would he do that? BETTY WHITE: Hell if I know. He's playing a real rich douchenozzle. I need someone to keep it from hurting people. STATHAM: Why me? BETTY WHITE: I already sent the Rock after the gorilla. STATHAM: That makes sense. Can I play it like I am a drunk with PTSD so long as it never comes back or stops me from doing anything heroic? BETTY WHITE: Do whatever you fucking want just don't make me call Diesel. His Instagram videos creep me the fuck out. Anyway! I think this is better because it gets to the shark action faster, without the nonsense science. And then the sequel can be plane-based (for June) and feature Gerald Bulter (for Jason) fighting a pterodactyl or something. Maybe a giant bird (for Nick Kroll.) I haven't decided.

I went to see the MEG. CRAZY RICH ASIANS was showing in the theater next door and I could tell who was going to which movie just by looking at them (there was one couple I wasn't sure about buy they turned out to be stragglers for MISSION IMPOSSIBLE).

Guys. The stickers on podswag! I want a whole sheet of “how’s yo dick?” and “where does the butt start?”. I feel feel like a bad fan but what is the horse tapes one from?

You know who'd make an awesome Bond? Lynda Carter.

Thank you! Correction: Jason calls it Terrordome not Thunderdome. Question: what would get the highest bid if Paul auctioned off his junk? Arliss the Hat, signed “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids” placemat, laser discs or My Buddy?

What was the "who wore it best?"

Do I want to watch this movie? I am not sure.

Fictions people are people too, Paul!

I love this so much.