Elektra Boogaloo

That horse outran planes, cars, motorcycles. That horse needs a raise. Whatever he's paying it, it should be more.

Okay here is my theory about why this movie doesn't work. There is the opening--which Paul says should've been in black and white--and you THINK that little kid is Billy Zane. (Or why the fuck else did you have to watch it?) Then the dad shows up in his crazy-visions. And that is not the guy who was in the opening. Plus he's *old*. So now the audience is confused. And it is a GREAT idea to just confuse your audience for large portions of the movie. I think they wanted us to think Billy Zane is 400 years old. In the beginning, Quill (aka Maxie Devine) says he killed the Phantom. I just thought he stabbed Billy Zane but Billy Zane was fine because he has that weird assistant who he forces to wear a turban for no reason. But it is later revealed that Quill killed Zane's father, the old guy. The end Billy Zane puts the belt on the grave and is like "now you can be at rest" or whatever. But throughout the movie he NEVER focuses on Quill. He doesn't even fucking blink when that guy shows up at his jungle cave. If we wanted to have an emotional arc or like--let's go crazy--a story the audience might get invested in then Quill should've been the main bad guy (or Treat Williams should've been the one who killed the dad). And it should all be about avenging his father. Instead of just throwing that shit in at the last minute. I think the writer was so caught up in having it be a ~REVEAL~ that the kid in the beginning was not Billy Zane, it was his ancestor, that s/he didn't realize that actively works against the film. Because if we had known that is the Phantom legacy but didn't know exactly how Billy Zane's father died, we would've been looking for those cues. Instead we just have no idea why this guy is dressed in a big purple condom and runs around the jungle. With a wolf. A WOLF WHO DOES NOT BELONG IN THE JUNGLE. I felt really bad for that wolf. I wanted to know June's theory on that monkeyshines of it all.

This is my new favorite saying and something I need to do from now on. Just Abjure people left and right! If you like comics about real people coming together and doing awesome things, then you should read John Lewis's MARCH. The third book just came out. I cried. I'm trying to think of some of my fave superhero books. I had the same problem of getting into comics. I loved the X-Men cartoon so I picked up a Wolverine comic at a store but it was like part four about some weird story about aliens and I did not get it at all. For Batman, I absolutely do not under any circumstances recommend "The Killing Joke." People who are into Superman (that is, people who are not me) think "All-Star Superman" is a good place to start for him. I thought it was kinda boring. My fave Wonder Woman arc is Wonder Woman Eyes of the Gorgon because she is bad ass, but now I see it is out of print. ... and the other one I was gonna recommend is also out of print. Which is just typical of DC. For Jessica Jones you want to start with Alias Vol 1. But that is absolutely not for kids, especially once you get to the Purple Man stuff. For younger readers I like to rec Ms. Marvel, which I think was already mentioned. I also like NIMONA, which is not a comic but a graphic novel that was like originally a book thing. But Nimona can turn into a SHARK. So like, she should be the HDTGM mascot.

Okay I am way behind on posts. Thanks for the hugs and support I needed it. I meant "woobie"-fy. As in turn a character into a woobie. I like the Joker as a villain. But Leto saying he's "a sweetheart" is too much for me. This happened a lot after "The Avengers" with Loki. I like Tom Hiddleston a lot. He is very handsome. But people online were like "Odin was too mean to him." And I was like "He tried to literally take over the Earth. You can't use "daddy was mean to me" as an excuse for that." At some point... it's on you, you know? Making excuses for the Joker is just a bridge too far. The Harley/Joker dynamic is a really difficult one to get right. (This is probably why Taylor Anne still remembers a fic that did it justice.) I was disappointed to learn the SUICIDE SQUAD movie would be following the New 52 storyline, in which Harley doesn't slowly go insane while studying the Joker so much as be tortured by him and then fall into a vat of toxic sludge--just as the Joker did. You can see him in the trailers leaping in to "save" her like he's some kind of Olympic diver. It makes me roll my eyes. I don't really want to see women get tortured on screen. I've reached my capacity for that. (I don't really *want* to see men get tortured either, now that I think about it.) See my way of dealing with this is saying, "I simply like Michael B. Jordan" (which I do). I also find Tom Hiddleston more attractive when he's not in the Loki character--perhaps it's the greasy wig that I don't enjoy though. There were also a lot of people online who though Kilgrave in "Jessica Jones" was a woobie. Apparently there was more Jessica/Kilgrave fic than Jessica/Luke Cage. These are things I just don't understand. Kilgrave literally raped her and Luke Cage is a literal Disney prince. I always want Viola Davis to succeed! There is nothing wrong with that. I wanted SUICIDE SQUAD to be good because I love her and I also love the Amanda Waller character. I would probably be lining up to see it already if the promotion was 900% more about Viola Davis and 900% less about Jared Leto. I'm with all of you on BvS. It was okay. But I found myself kind of tuning out and then whenever Gal Gadot was on screen I was like, "WAIT WHAT! SQUIRREL!"

Oh like that's a high bar to get over. I made a post on tumblr about how Jared Leto is going around saying the Joker is a "misunderstood sweetheart" and people better not wooiefy him like they did with Loki from "the Avengers." And now I'm getting all these anonymous comments explaining WHY Joker HAD to sexually assault Barbara Gordon in "The Killing Joke" and I kind of want to throw my computer out the window. That's why I came over to these boards. You guys give me strength. Maybe I should just reply to all of them with some Colon Blow?

Did you guys know that Jon Voight's brother is a respected vulcanologist who correctly predicted the destruction of Mt. St. Helen's and was ignored? I'm reading this book "Eruption" right now and the moment it mentioned Barry Voight was Jon Voight's brother I was like, "I GOT AN IDEA." We write a totally straight disaster movie script about the eruption. Small town sheriff, greedy corporate folks not heeding warnings, people in peril, yadda yadda yadda. It's done totally straight, except Jon Voight plays his brother with the Anaconda accent. And we NEVER reference why he talks so funny.

I think if a girl touches you, she is into you. Because I am like -reverse-Rogue from the X-Men and try to avoid touching people at all times lest they steal my life energy. Also can I correction/omission the minisode? Paul said the Phantom is an African hero. He lives in Africa in the strip but he seems to be in some vague Asian place in the movie. I only know this because there are zero black people. I tried to find one but failed. "The Shadow" makes a lot more sense after hearing the director slur his words like that. SURPRISE PIRATES!

I do have a theory about why this movie sucks and I shall elaborate on it when the episode drops (whenever that might be), but I think the performances are fine but the movie actively works against itself in terms of emotional arcs. I think the special effects are pretty bad too. I mean, this movie came out in 1996. The same year "Independence Day," "Twister" and "Mission: Impossible" came out. Yet the effects look very Cannon Studios to me. It's like they didn't even try with the explosions.

I was pleasantly surprised by the two of them. They are both more capable female heroines than in many of the more recent superhero movies. (I'm looking at you, Spiderman.) And they flew off into the sunset together. Kristy Swanson was like, "I'm supposed to marry you now and let my kid become of the Phantom? No thanx bai!"

I know the mini hasn't dropped yet but I watched THE PHANTOM anyway. Catherine Zeta-Jones looks great. How come she's not in stuff anymore? I thought Michael Douglas' cancer was better now?

Did you and June get the light up cup that made her laugh so hard? (From you Doughboys episode). If not, I feel like that would be a good anniversary present...

Oh, and in defense of Pete Davidson (sort of), I didn't think he was a great guest. As far as SNL peeps go, I would take Bobby Moynihan talking about "Over the Top" any day of the week, BUT: 1. This movie was really confusing and Pete is a known stoner. I don't think he COULD have been much help figuring it out. I don't think it's that he didn't want to be there. He did TRY and Google things (like the knife), 2. If I worked at SNL, I wouldn't want to say anything bad about Alec Baldwin. That dude is on every year and he has a notorious anger management problem. I would be sad if Pete Davidson got murdered because of this movie. (A friend of a relative worked on 30 Rock and I heard things you guys. I heard things. I mean, usually nice guy but will Hulk out on occasion.) Eta: crap. Two posts in a row. I need to get a life now.

I am bumping this thread up because we are currently talking about old timey heroes and I like to hate on Frank Miller. Whoreswhoreswhores.

Sorry you are cranky! I will not defend Spider-Man. He has been in too many movies and I am kinda sick of him. (I will cut a bitch over Spider-Gwen but she has been in no movies.) most superhero powers would be useless in a real fight. You see the guy in the bright costume? Shoot him. FreaherPie, you are kind of blowing my mind with this info. And the fact that there was a novelization! I kind a of want to read it. I was wondering why he was in Mongolia for WWI and then I went down this Wikipedia rabbit hole of "were American troops sent to Mongolia then?" As, far as I can tell, no. There was revolution but it was between the Russians and the Chinese. IDK. I can't believe I just spent my Friday night researching that. Eta: First Time Caller, I think it was just a fake name, not an identity that he stole Don Draper style?? Eta2: but I just saw on Wikipedia that Cranston was a real guy and they like shared identities? Like swapped? There was a contract involved? Idk. I can't with this movie. It's TOO weird.

Not to nerd out on you, because I know they called him a superhero in the podcast but TECHNICALLY the Shadow is a PULP hero not a superhero. There were many characters with powers but there aren't superheroes until Superman is created in 39. Secondly, a light would not defeat the show because it is his MIND powers that make people think he is invisible. All they can see is the shadow. And Spider-Man still has super powers without buildings around, he just loses his mode of transportation. He could make a web slingshot and fling himself across the city in that case, or just take the subway.

, I will fight you on this. Everyone in Clue is great. Yes, Tim Curry gets many of the best lines ("I buttle, sir") but everyone has good stuff. And I would argue Madeline Kahn's "Flames, flames on the side of my face" is the most quoted line in Clue. And we have already discussed on this very podcast how great Leslie Ann Warren is in even the shittiest of movies. So, like, I think you need to watch Clue again. Also: how great would it have been if Madeline Kahn was the last descendent of Genghis Khan in this movie? I mean, I would have to root for her to rule the world.

I love Tim Curry in everything. Even Congo. I will watch him in anything.

I am mad at myself for not finding time to watch this movie before the episode. But from what I know of the comics (which isn't even the original form--it was originally a radio COMMERCIAL and then a radio play. Like the Geico Cavemen getting their own show, I guess?) I am pretty sure his backstory is usually glossed over. It is not that the movie left something out. Wikipedia says, "In the radio drama, which debuted in 1937, The Shadow was an invisible avenger who had learned, while "traveling through East Asia," "the mysterious power to cloud men's minds, so they could not see him." This feature of the character was born out of necessity: time constraints of 1930s radio made it difficult to explain to listeners where The Shadow was hiding and how he was remaining concealed. Thus, the character was given the power to escape human sight." Basically, he has magic because he went to Asia. Asian people are magic. That is all you need to know. (There was a lot of exoticism of Asian cultures in early comics. Iron Fisi, as Jason mentioned, still has issues with that. Green Lantern originally got his ring in Asia--not space--which is why it is charged with an old times LANTERN. Even Iron Man has a villain called "the Mandarin" that is a stereotype. They wisely, in my opinion, did a switcheroo with that character in the film. But some fanboys are still butt hurt about it.) I don't believe the powers are latent, as the brill Cameron H. suggests. I think anyone who goes to Asian gets magic Asian powers.

Haha. I don't watch Homeland but it also seems kind of racist to me. There was this poster I saw on the subway and I was like, "That is not right." Was always surprised more people didn't balk at it. Anyway, I guess we know why the movie takes place in Germantown now. (Nazi zinger!)

I'm glad that Paul called out the director for his dismissive "it became a black movie" comment. His original movie also sounded super racist. He captures a bunch of Muslims and fights his way out of Iran? But those people, just because they were leaders of the country, didn't necessarily have anything to do with the terrorist act? It sounds like fighting terrorism with terrorism to me. I'm actually kind of pleasantly surprised the Hollywood execs said no to this. Good for them. Also maybe the gang should do Passenger 57. I just watched the trailer and the effects do not hold up.

Thomas Middleditch mentioned this on the latest Doug Loves Movies. And I immediately had to share with you guys. No judgement.

- wearable Clip on bangs to create that sexy Wall of Bangs. - t-shirt - book [imagine Missing. Can't figure out why] It's Jack O'Halloran's book "Family Legacy" for his awesome stories. - house hold item - utility "We do a lot of shark movies..." - vinyl figure It was this or Howard the Duck; I couldn't decide.

Wait. Tim Curry is in this? Definitely watching.

Saw this is going to be a live ep.