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My dad buys a lot of cheap, crappy DVDs and I caught him watching this steamer and knew I had to bring it to attention. Heaven knows why Sigoney Weaver signed up for this. She plays a pyschotic, rogue plastic surgeon who captures the mafia hitman who murdered her playboy brother and, wait for it, gives him a sex change. Michelle Rodreguez plays the titual character. So many whys for the team. Why not cast a man in the role? Why go to all that trouble when you could've just killed him? Why are the wanted posters cartoon? Why did Weaver need to be in a straight jacket for the 'twist' ending to 'work? Would love to hear a LBGT performer's view on this film as I think it's really transphobic. http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi4268537369?playlistId=tt5034474&ref_=tt_ov_vi

“ I killed a lot of guys. They were worthless pieces of shit, but I killed them.” So intones Michelle Rodriguez (in a monotone) as a hit...person(?....more on that in a minute) in the opening moments of The Assignment. The latest film from Walter Hill is fucking bonkers. If you’ve seen his director’s cut of The Warriors—where he inserts comic panels into the movie—know that his love of comic book imagery continues here. He’s also setting up a VERY fractured narrative that hardly ever seems to stay in the same timeline for five minutes. Further more, Sigourney Weaver is playing a surgeon who’s been locked up in a psych ward and is being interrogated by Tony Shalhoub. She is guilty of performing unauthorized and unasked for medical experiments. One of those experiments involves Michelle Rodriguez, who plays Frank Kitchen. Try and follow me through this next part: Mr. Kitchen IS NOT a transgendered person, he is a man. Rodriguez has a beard, somewhat resembles Oscar Isaac, has a flat, hairy chest and possibly a dick (I didn’t look close enough). He/she fucks a woman. After a run-in with his (?) employer, Rodriguez/Kitchen is knocked out, operated on and turned into a woman, much to his/her/their horror. This (and much more) all happens in the first 10-15 minutes. If this appeals to you, this film is streaming for free on VUDU for one more day. Here’s the preview. I don’t blame Rodriguez, but I don’t think she was up to this task (who would be? Feel free to make suggestions. That would make for an excellent game. Natasha Lyonne, for example, would have worked).

"Just out of prison, ex-con Tommy (Tim Allen) is ready for a fresh start in life. He moves in with his manipulative sister (Sigourney Weaver) and her husband and takes a job at a local burger joint. However, he finds that staying on the straight-and-narrow is not as easy as he thought. Gray (Ray Liotta), his former partner-in-crime, is trying to rope him into the latest scheme. And to complicate matters, Tommy is falling in love with his probation officer." This movie is insane, I saw it on Netflix a few years ago because of the all-star cast. But is wall to wall bonkers. First of all Tommy is in prison for video piracy... three years to be exact. This leads to his sister lying about him actually being in France to his family. The burger place he works at is pirate themed, of course, so peak comedy. But every 15 minutes or so, just long enough that you forgot it happened in the first place, Tommy has some sort of "imagination" or some other unexplained thing where there are essentially scooby doo level of special effects.

The Cold Light Of Day (2012) Bruce Willis, Henry Cavill, and Sigourney Weaver lend their talents to an action movie with incomprehensibly bad dialogue, daft direction, and a paper thin plot. One of the most brutally un-entertaining 90 minutes in cinema history. Lots to discuss with this turd. Budget:$20,000,000 Opening Weekend:$1,831,588 Gross:$3,749,061