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Episode 87 — Curling Slam!

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We all love Ellie Kemper. From The Office to Bridesmaids, her cheery smile has brightened big screens and now we're using her melodious voice to talk about pole dancing, coach punching, and fish advocating. Ellie has traveled from St. Louis to Princeton to New York to Los Angeles and now it's time for her to vacation in Sklarbro Country! Speaking of vacations, we're got an awesome band in the studio this week by the name of Vacationer whose island style and briefcase tapping are the perfect foil to Jesse Ventura who joins us to discuss his recent fisticuffs. If you live in Philadelphia, it's not too early to pick up tickets to see Randy and Jason at Helium on April 12-14. HENDERSON!

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There must be soooo many hidden spy cameras on this goblin head.

jesse-ventura1.jpg

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I don't even bother to look for pickup curling games anymore. Too many brush-hogs that refuse to dish the stone...

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How long did it take the janitorial staff to scrape the layer of cute off the studio walls? I would put up a tarp if Ellie Kemper ever came to my podcast. :wub:

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First, Ellie Kemper is ridiculously adorable. Second, in 20+ years spent in curling clubs, I've never heard anyone use the term "kizzle kazzle". Third, thought I'd offer some expert1 recommendations for future discussions of curling-themed pornography:

 

1. Female talent should repeatedly and loudly exhort their male partners to "Hurry Hard!"

2. Some title suggestions for a variety of genres:

 

Split the House

Double-Tap

Spinners (petite women)

Mixed Bonspiel (interracial)

8-Ender (reverse gangbang)

Top 12 (gay orgy)

 

3. Suggested names for male talent:

 

Skip Rock

The Hammer

"Shorty" Jenkins (ironic)

 

4. Use some or all of the following phrases:

 

"Oh yeah, give me the high hard one."

"I'm going to come through a tight port and bury my shooter in the back ring."

"Mmm… I want you to Sandra my Schmirler"2

 

 

1 Skipped the winning team in the 'C' Event of the 1992 University of Alberta Campus Recreation Mixed Funspiel

2 For use by advanced curling pornographers only: invoking the name of a deceased curler in sexual situations is considered indecent in most Canadian jurisdictions, and blasphemous in the province of Saskatchewan.

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WOW! I loved this one. The curling talk and Meanwell's lawyer slayed me. You can really tell when the guys are having fun during a show. Great one.

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I've officially sent a new entry for "whorebasket" to Urban Dictionary and credited it to Randy and Jason.

 

If it gets approved, I'll post the link here.

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they should clone Ellie Kemper....

 

I got five on it... I wonder if Anthony Michael Hall and uh... that other guy, are available (what am I saying? Of course they're available...)

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Ellen Greene:

 

- was Audrey I in Little Shop of Horrors, a role she perfected on Broadway before she was asked to bring it to the screen

- was the 'cool' teacher in the cult teen classic Pump Up the Volume

- guests and features frequently (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0338746/)

- worked most recently on Pushing Daisies and the Young and the Restless

 

That movie was all about the impressive curves for 10 y.o. me, too, but still, Ellen Greene has given us plenty to say "DAMN" about.

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Looks like the Sklarbros are hosting Rome tomorrow (Wednesday)... Why hasn't Jim Rome been on the podcast yet (might be tough now that he has the CBS thing going...)?

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Love Ellie Kemps, so funny, so cute. Great show guys!

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