Colfax McLiverneck

Why now, hot log?

Hot log is the new hey nong.

If I had known it was going to be this kind of Graveyard Smash, I would have stuck my dick in the mashed potatoes.

Let me not to the marriage of deez nuts and your chin admit impediments.

In the beginning was the word, and the word was with the bird, and the bird was the word.

This podcast is sponsored by the American Family Association for Podcast Decency and by the Assbert and Jizzifer Fuckington Foundation.

Oh the weather outside is frightful but your contention that the Reimann hypothesis can be proved by subsuming the Drichlet L-function as a discriminant of the corresponding quantum eigenvalue is so delightful.

In a recent Gallup poll, 82% of podcast listeners reported that a new catchphrase is not needed.

When the moon hits the earth like a big pizza pie, that’s Melancholia.

Some lady peddled discarded mollusk carapaces in the littoral zone.

In the land of the blind, everyone has a goddamn podcast.

If ifs and buts were notwithstandings and neverthelesses, we’d all sound like pedantic asses.

If nongs and heys were dongs and sprays, this would be a much messier podcast.

Tall and tan and young and lovely and certified in Krav Maga, when the girl from Ipanema goes walking, you better watch your ass, pervert.

A ghost horse floats into a bar. The bartender says “Why the l-l-l-long face?”

A horse pole-vaults into a bar. The bartender says “Why the long stick?”

There once was a horse from Nantucket who walked into a bar. The bartender said “I’d never leave home if I were you!”

When your eye hits a big pizza pie like the moon, that’s dyslexia

Hey, Q-anong man: Ronnie says “Be cool”

If life gives you lemons and lube, make lemonenemas

You put the corn in the chocolate milk and drink ‘em both up I SAID DOCTOR

Nehemiah is my favorite book of the Old Testament—especially the part where he poops his pants in line at Blockbuster

Captain’s log: we have successfully navigated the Yomamma Nebula Cluster, unscathed but for a mild case of space crabs

Once upon a midnight dreary I spanked your mom and she called me dearie

When one door closes and another one opens, you may have a g-g-g-ghost!