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Colfax McLiverneck

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Everything posted by Colfax McLiverneck

  1. A hat on a hat with its balls on the other hat’s forehead? Now THAT’s funny!
  2. A hat on a cat? Now I’ve seen everything!
  3. Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum, I’m here to kick ass and chew gum
  4. Well I would walk 500 miles just to drop this poop sack at your door
  5. Froggy went a courtin’ and he did ride your mom, uh huh
  6. Hey diddle diddle, buckle that trench coat and put your hands behind your back
  7. “I’ll have the moose-tongue cobbler and a mug of fresh-squeezed crab” is something that has never been said until this VERY minute
  8. That which does not make you Die Hard makes you Die Harder.
  9. My bologna has an unfortunate first name, it’s A D O L F
  10. To Die Hard, to sleep; to sleep, perchance until the yippee ki-ay motherfucker scene
  11. In Soviet Russia, phrase catches you!
  12. Now here’s a little story I’ve got to tell about three entrepreneurs and some plugs
  13. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang! You take three D8 bludgeoning damage and lose a turn.
  14. I like small butts and I am lying.
  15. Your mom sells skank-shells by the ho-shore.
  16. There’s no “I” in alphabet.
  17. Please stop conflating Stonehenge and the Easter Island moai. Monoliths are not a monolith.
  18. D I N G O, D I N G O, D I N G O, a dingo ate my baby
  19. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of corn, I shall fear no weevil.
  20. It’s been a quiet week in Lake Bangyourmom
  21. You can lead a horse to water. Or you can just let it get thirsty, and it will go there by itself
  22. Old Mother Hubbard went to the lockup to serve 30 days for animal cruelty
  23. I shat my sheets my sheets I shat upon my hat I put a hat
  24. If wishes were horses, beggars would have a logistical nightmare of livestock inventory on hand
  25. Teach a man to fish and you may be entitled to compensation for providing fishing lessons
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