Colfax McLiverneck

Ask not what those you know half as well as you should like can do for you, ask what you can do for the less than half of those you like half as well as they deserve.

How much isocyanate would a tardigrade fabricate if a tardigrade could fabricate isocyanate?

I’d give an arm and a leg to have just two arms and two legs.

When life takes your bubblegum, kick some ass.

Your mom sells suckshells by the cockshore

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you should reevaluate your choice of protective eyewear

What rough beast is this slouching toward Batman didn’t kill himself?

I played Pick-Up-Sticks with Ha Ha Clinton Dix.

Notice—beginning January 1, 2020, in order to maximize content penetration, Comedy Bang Bang will discontinue its policy of being “not that kind of show.”

Oh, the weather outside is frightful but your mom is so delightful, if you know what I mean...

Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the prospect of spending one more minute with you is even more frightful, so I’m gonna jingle my ass on down the merry road

Here’s the church, here’s the steeple, open it up and Batman didn’t kill himself

Assbag the Turdman was a smelly, unwiped soul, with a dingleberry pipe and a stink-pile hat and two eyes made out of butts.

El conejo malo con dientes afilados está en la cueva.

Let’s break this down: T. H. I. S. This has been “This, Broke Down” with your host, Breakdown Thiserman.

Old MacDonald had a farm and Batman didn’t kill himself I E I O

Me hey you nongtime

Ohh the weather outside is frightful but this case of Zima and Jamiroquai mixtape look so delightful

Frosty the Snowman was an anthropomorphized stack of frozen water with a rudimentary cancer-delivery device and a bakelite disc proboscis and eyes made out of metamorphic anthracite

When a big pizza pie hits your eye like the moon, that's dyslexia

How much wool would Chuck Woolery chuck if Chuck Wollery could chuck wool?

I went to the Pomona Louse Farm and T-Shirt Outlet and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.

Zeno’s horse walks halfway into a bar.

Well here’s a little story I’ve got to tell about three Batmans who didn’t kill themselves

The name is Jacket. Helicopter Pilot Rabbit Jacket. You may have heard of me—I’m the helicopter pilot that killed your rabbit and made a jacket out of it.