Colfax McLiverneck

The weather outside is frightful but your conflation of seventeenth-century pre-Hegelian existentialism and the Stuttgart Market Revolt of 1677 is quite insightful.

“Daddy, what’s a Mississippi Bobsled?” asked little Scotty. “Go ask your Uncle Hot Charlie,” his father said knowingly.

The Comedy Man Always Bangs Twice

Roses are red, corn is yellow, yo mamma just farted and boy does it smello

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, which was his first mistake

People who live in glass houses are weird.

Before we get to our first guest, let’s take a moment to remember that wombats have cube-shaped poop.

You. Me. A bushel of fresh Silver Queen. And a kilo of hand-churned goat butter. Tis a corn-summation devoutly to be wished.

Were you raised in a barn? Cause you look just like a goat I used to bang.

More like my nuts resting on your mom

Ain’t no party like a goatless party ‘cause a goatless party got no goats

Elevator Pitch: Between Two Ferns Christmas Special with Zack in a Santa suit interviewing feral cats. Ferns blinged with tinsel. Discuss.

One if by land, two if by sea, three if by an owl with glasses

I’ll have a Mulgravey’s Crutch on the rocks with a twist of satsuma

One if by land, two if by sea, three o’clock four o’clock if by rock

Corn is the new Hot

The eyes are the windows to whatever’s inside an eyeball

Theodor Geisel. Omaha. The number 14. Coincidence? I think not.

Thomas Osaf Gration’s TOG Babels is the new Heynong Man

The mouth is the reverse butthole of the face.

More like Frosty the Ho-Man

Trigger warning—Roy Rogers’ horse is dead.

Ain’t no party like a Colfax McLiverneck party ‘cause a Colfax McLiverneck party has unlimited corn refills

Call me Ishmael, and I’ll call you Ishmabetty

Open the door, giant poop on the floor—SOMEBODY forgot to walk the dinosaur